Chionophobia #16 /P

by Incandescence

Published January 11, 2007

In Chionophobia/Prosthesis/Melnikov

Removed.

Comments & reviews · 3
User avatar
Riedawriter23
Review
Riedawriter23 wrote a review Review · Jan 12, 2007

This was great. I liked the reactions of the people and how you described each. You're putting John and Kyle in an awkward situation almost everytime, almost like a non-spoken kind-a-thing. I really like that, it makes the story more interesting. Keep up the good work!

Crimson Twilight wrote a review Review · Jan 11, 2007

Hey. This was good, and it held my attention the whole time. I was confused when you went from Johnathon to Kyle. I wasn't sure which one was getting married to Sarah until the middle of the story. You may want to switch a few things on that. I loved the way you began your story though.

User avatar
Emerson
Review
Emerson wrote a review Review · Jan 11, 2007

“Jonathon,” Kyle shook his hand. “Hey, what happened last night?”

“Oh, sorry.” Jonathon shook his head and looked down at their touching hands. He pulled his slightly away.


These bolded actions just....came across funny. I understood what was going on but...at the same time, didn't.

I love your work, Brad! I look forward to more!



People ask if I ever experience writer's block and I just have to laugh... that's my default position.
— Aaron Sorkin