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Young Writers Society



Prosthesis #22 /P

by Incandescence


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2058 Reviews

Points: 32885
Reviews: 2058

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Thu May 03, 2007 1:28 am
Emerson wrote a review...



"Yeah," Jon murmurs, his throat clogged. "I'm fine." He looks at Kyle, looks like he wants something, something physical; something which would make him cry if he said it aloud.
That paragraph is in the present tense... everything else is in the past, so it bugs me.

Kyle relishes his best friend's breathy moan at the contrasting temperatures of his mouth and the air.


Also in present tense.

You make me want to cry! I want Jon to get better...




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516 Reviews

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Sat Apr 07, 2007 4:48 am
Riedawriter23 wrote a review...



OMG! That turned from like a hot Jon/Kyle sex scene to a scary Kyle cutting himself scene! Okay, now I think THIS is my favorite! Omg, I know this was just a dream but...wow, this was really great Brad! Great descriptions, great feeling! I love how I knew that it was dream, yet I was scared for the characters all the same. I mean how much is this going to break Jon now? And will he ever look at Kyle the same way again?

I can't wait for the next!!

~Rieda





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