Well, speakerskat , this is a great piece of work. I like how a lot of people can probably connect with the words you are speaking . We live in a society where self-harm is a common attribute in the lives of humans.
I like the repetition you use with the lines " Why'd you leave me so hollow ," It makes it more "song" like It really stands out to me.
I don't like the way the rhyming is in this though . ( it might have been accidental ) Look at the last word of every second line : asleep , surprise , see , and mean. All of these words rhyme somewhat . Surprise though , obviously ruins the rhyme scheme. You could maybe replace surprise with epiphany . Other than that though , it is a great piece of work
Points: 901
Reviews: 8
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