Young Writers Society

Hey there!

This is a good poem. I liked it. My only issue with it is the rhyming... it fit well with the poem, but you used too much of it.

The content is really good... You managed to make me understand what this person is feeling, so congratulations on that!

The punctuation all seems to be okay... So, just work out your rhyming and you're all set!

Well done, I enjoyed this.

-Clarity'xo

Hello, speakerskat!

I saw that this had only two reviews and thought you could use one more. One can never have too much constructive criticism, right?

First of all, I'd like to say how much I liked this. It was interesting and just overall good poetry. I do agree with some of the things the previous two reviewers said, though, but I also have a couple other things I'd like to point out.

1.) I find I say this a lot when reviewing poetry, but it helped me when someone brought it to my attention, so I hope it'll help others. You don't have to capitalize each line. You can just follow the rules of punctuation you leave instead. Of course, it's up to you; it's your style you're crafting. This is merely a suggestion.

2.) In the third stanza, when you write "Something to hold on," I think it would be better if you wrote "Something to hold onto." It seems to fit better with the rhythm you've set up, and that one line really bothers me as a reader. It just seems off for some reason.

I hope this helps, and I'll be looking forward to reading more from you! Keep writing!
~Rocky

Hello there, stranger ^-^ And have a Happy review day! (hiphip hurray for Tsunami Tyrants!)
Okiedokie, Nippy is here to give you an assessment of your piece and maybe some alternative viewpoints and all those fascinating kinds of things. Firstly, I adore poetry and take time to analyze it most thoroughly, so ask me to review any day of the week!
Beautiful:
“You were my inspiration,
My hearts only request,
Now in meditation,
Didn’t quite make sense or flow to me, but that’s just me maybe > “Did she know you best?”
Again, lovely:
“Hanging on the edge,
Gasping for air,
This close to death,
But do you even care?”
But then:
“I need you more than ever,
Something to hold on,
Even one more feather, < doesn’t quite make sense and breaks flow again.

And I will be gone.”
And then the finally is epic:
“I’m on the brink of hopelessness,
My cloth of despair,
Won’t you grant me one last wish?
My heart is cold and bare.

Written on my tombstone,
My epic last goodbye,
Solo and alone,
Right before I die.”
There were only a few parts that didn’t quite “fit”, you know? Something lovely would be written, followed by one measly mediocre line. Which is a shame. I’d advise you to edit this a bit, and you’d have something really awesome here. Overall,
This is simply lovely! You have a marvelous gift for writing, and you have splendid word- management, which seems to build the visual and shows that you have imagination in your work simply by your word choices. All Well done, keep writing, and do your best!
~Catnip~

Hellllo I (Who loves poetry and is one of my specialties) Would love to do a small review for you welll here goees sorry if I did anything wrong in this here but please point out any problems if you seee any anyway this is short and for review day.

I sure hope this helps you.

Okay You should not personalize at ALL.

Anyway some of the lines were strange but they still made sense to me good job on them but Solo may not be the best Alone might be better or "Alone in the dark" But stillll your name willl do greatllly. XD

You really are goood poet one of the best.

Keep writing and good luck.

Sorry for the probs in the review.

I sure hope it helped at least someone.

~Jon~

(Good bye.)