Nothing's more pure than a heart filled with love
pure as the delicate pale white rose
like soft calligraphy on a crisp page
or an elegant eighteen-hundreds house
like light streaming through fine mosaic glass
that initial dusting of winter snow.
.
Reflecting the sun off of roof tops, snow
shining down on a young couple in love
laying down pieces of mosaic glass
an image of a preserved icy rose
for an eighteen-hundreds cottage, their house
a story unfolding across a page.
.
The shared life embedded upon this page
garnished with a fine coat of glassy snow
the couple return to their little house
keep warm inside, warmed by a tender love
a vase by a window holds a white rose,
peering out from behind the clear glass.
.
Years pass, cracks appear in mosaic glass
and the flames of time lick at an old page
the window is graced by a new white rose
the past ones long taken by chilly snow
yet the old couple inside, warm with love
quietly smiles from within the house.
.
It seems to age with them, that beloved house
just as harsh weather, forced apart the glass
yet nothing wears down a true, pure, kind love
just as words still flow onto that old page
and every passing year is blessed with snow
a window holds a resilient rose.
.
This sign of eternal love, one white rose,
forever in an eighteen-hundreds house
snuggled under a soft blanket of snow,
stands the test of time in mosaic glass
even after the quill stills on their page
nothing shall break this couple's timeless love.
.
A house that once guarded this perfect love
surrounded by snow, quiet, a blank page
one white rose, preserved in mosaic glass.
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140,627 Literary Works • 673,567 Reviews
Hey I wanted to let you know I really enjoyed this poem!
I would like to point out a few things you could improve however:
For one, you could try to add more periods or commas because its hard for a poem to flow if the reader cannot tell when one thought ends and another begins.
As for the poem itself:
"Nothing's more pure than a heart filled with love
pure as the delicate pale white rose
like soft calligraphy on a crisp page
or an elegant eighteen-hundreds house
like light streaming through fine mosaic glass
that initial dusting of winter snow."
I agree with DeepRoses about grammer, but I would like to give examples for improvement:
I think changing "pure as the" to pure as a" would sound better.
I am not sure if "soft" is the best way to describe calligraphy as it would be more like "sharp".
"Eighteen-hundreds house" could be changed to "eighteenth century house".
And for the last two verses, like I said before, adding a comma after glass would have made this sound better.
I wont go through the whole poem, as I know you likely don't want to here knit-picks, but the only other thing I will mention keeping the same tense.
Example:
"keep warm inside, warmed by a tender love"
Try changing "keep" to "kept".
Overall I really loved the story of this poem, especially the verses, "and every passing year is blessed with snow, a window holds a resilient rose."
Have a great night/day! ^-^
Hi Speakerskat! DeepRoses here for a little review!
Just to let you know, I'm not an expert at poetry or a master at reviewing.... but I hope my input and tips can help a little bit.
Lets start going through each stanza, shall we?
I'm a bit confused on whether you want to use grammar or not. Even if it isn't needed, Some parts of this stanza (and the rest of the poem) has some grammar and some not. If you were going for grammar usage in this poem, it is definitely needed in this stanza. It is a good introduction to the poem and the word choice was beautifully written/typed. I was able to get a visual in each line about the satisfaction and happiness that comes with the feeling of love.
There's nothing I would specifically critique in this, for it is beautifully written as it is. Yet the punctuation and grammar still throws me off. It is like this for the rest of the poem. The visuals are clear in my mind and this is written in a truly beautiful way, I could imagine each line in my mind and it made it very clear what it looks and feels like to be in love. But the grammar/punctuation makes it a bit hard to read. It isn't a big deal at all, perhaps it is just your style of writing or the style of the poem.
Overall this was a great poem! Keep up the amazing work and I hope to read some more of your works. I really liked this one. Hope you have a good day and enjoyed my
crappyreview.