At night I often dream
Of a distant land away
Where my life is mine to choose
And just right there I'll stay.
~
Come sweet muse of my dreams
Take me to this place of fantasy
A world far beyond compare
Just for us to see.
~
It's so simple to get lost
In my every thought
So give me your hand to hold
Shall we take a walk?
~
Here this place is all our own
Immense joys surround me
Free of my pathetic home
I'll wrap my arms around thee.
~
Oh puppet what melodies
Of a passion quite true
Symphonies of tenderness
A harmony meant for two.
~
The girl and her marionette
In a place of splendour
Such a gentle light duet
Love the heart shall render.
~
When our tune fades to grey
Such lonely sleep finds
We'll forever steal away
Deep inside my mind.
~
Fornow this lullaby
Stays my sole salvation
Songs of pleasure
Trapped in imagination.
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140,627 Literary Works • 673,567 Reviews
Hello there, speakerskat! I hope you are having a wonderful review day. You are my first review for the April Review day, so let's get right to it!
I love the flow of this poem, and your word choice is amazing. I picture the narrator as a young girl, which I think you might have intended, however, I am not sure.
I believe that there might be a deeper meaning to this than some words scrambled amongst each other. I have one possible theory of a meaning, which is that the "marionette" might resemble things that she wants or pretends to have, which would be a very good poetical meaning of the puppet. I believe the girl is pretending or dreaming, trying to escape the real world and be more imaginative. If there is more to this meaning or if I am wrong, please do tell me! I'd love to hear your perception on this.
One thing I see wrong is that in the last stanza you combine for and now within the first line. However, this might be an alternate way of writing it, since this is poetry (and I don't seem to really know much about poetry.) Either way, this is a splendid poem and I'd love to see more!
Keep writing!
~Prez. T
There's no right or wrong meaning and sorry my computer screwed up the formatting ! I intended her to be dreaming of things she didn't have and a person who loved her. Her only freedom being this place and music . To put it simply . Thanks !
Swag
I... value this review? XD okay
Hey there speakserkat! I am glad you wanted me to review this!
I really adored this poem. The only part is didn't like was the first lines in each stanzas italicized. The words that were in bold just added more emphasis and feeling to the poem. And the end I LOVE! Great job with! Just keep producing more poems like this! I love them! I want to see more by you. Don't give up and always write!
-CaptainSaltWater
(P.S. This name of the poem reminded me of Five Night's at Freddy's.)
For someone this young and inspiring, to write so eloquently, tells volumes about her future. I'm very interested to see what comes next. Keep writing.
Hey, fantasydragon01, the DIE-HARD fantasy lover is going to make another review. I love poetry, especially if they are fantasy. So, let me review on "Marionette".
I like the rhythm. It flows well. I like the way you used your words. You used them in a creative way. This poem is very captivating. It is just so nice. I cannot put into words how nice this poem is. I love the last stanza.
However, some parts do not rhyme. Stanzas 3 and 7 do not quite rhyme. That is about it when i comes to mistakes. I do not think there are any more mistakes. Great job on your poem.
Good luck and keep writing!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Very truly yours,
fantasydragon01.
Heya!
So listen, this poem did have a dreamy calm impact on my mood.
I was just waiting for the creepy part... Which never really came. Your description stated: A slightly creepy and magical interpretation of a girls musical imagination.
I was under the impression it would be creepy so I was a little bit disappointed, just change you're description.
Other than that, I really enjoyed the poem. The vocabulary used in this poem was used so wisely and cleverly that it did indeed create a dream like feeling. Bravo on that.
I like how she, like most girls, made up a friend to get through a rough patch that is happening at home. It adds a sense of realism in my opinion.
You worded this poem so well that I would love to keep reading more of your poems.
Well done and thank you for writing this!
My friends think all my writing is creepy XD so . But thanks
Hi there, speakerskat!
Your poem had a bit of a calming effect on me. Probably had something to do with the dreamlike quality and the pleasant imagery you used.
As for the story of the poem, this is what came to mind:
There is a girl with a marionette. She gave it it's own personality, and, incidentally, fell in love with it. Now she wishes for a place where the puppet can act of it's own will.
I have a feeling that wasn't the story of the poem, but that's just what came to me.
~~~
Unfortunately, I don't know who your speaker is. In the first couple of verses, it sounds like the marionette is the one speaking. ("Where my life is mine to choose", "Free of my pathetic home" etc.) However, in the last verses, the speaker seems to be talking to the puppet.
Of course, you could have meant for there to be two speakers. If you did, though, you need to tell the reader that you are changing the speaker, perhaps by literally labeling the verses.
If you read this verse aloud, as if you were reading a normal sentence, I think you would find that there are just a couple unnecessary words, namely, "away", "just", and "right".
However, if you take them out, the verse's formatting will be messed up.
There is the problem.
In order to have perfect formatting in your poem, you sacrifice having the perfect language. This is what I mean: You start to focus more on maintaining a certain number of syllables in each verse, or maintaining rhyme, so you start adding unnecessary words to fill up the space. In the meantime, your actual poem loses it's flow, and starts to sound a bit awkward and clunky.
As a result, you may have perfect verses, but your poem loses it's appeal.
Now, this didn't happen in your poem to that extent, but I could tell in certain parts that you focused more on filling up syllable space than maintaining a positive flow.
I know, it's hard. I used to do the same thing, and probably still do.
What I would suggest is that you rewrite the poem, saying exactly what you want to say, without formatting or rhyme. Then edit it with formatting. Who knows? You may decide that you like it better without any formatting!
Why are the first lines of every verse in Italics? It's not a problem, I'm just wondering.
~~~~
So, overall, you did a pretty good job with your imagery, and I got a story out of it, even if it wasn't the right one.
Rewriting seems like it will be really hard, but if you know exactly what you want to say, it shouldn't be too bad. Don't forget to let us know who the speaker is!
I really did like this poem though. I hope I didn't sound too harsh in my review!
I sincerely hope the review helped you! Keep on writing!
Cheers!
It's always the girl speaking but in reality ne verse she's talking about a song " the girl and her marionette "
Wow I just love this poem! I have a few questions and things to criticize though. First you list this as a romantic poem if this were my poem and I was going to read it to someone I wouldn't call them a puppet. Second you put aroundthee like it was one word same thing with justso. Third I'm wondering why you tell her to "hold he hand out" no one would want to walk with their hand out all the time. And why would she have her hand out? You don't state why in this poem. And this is a romantic poem but I don't see how it really is there is no romantic appeal. I would go over this a few times and see what changes you can make. But I would have to say this is a very well written poem and it has a very nice flow. Keep up the good work and don't get discouraged.
Ah very true , there you go I meant to fix that.
Great I love the way you cleaned it up!
Oh my gosh , just realized you're Zelda <3 much love
Haha!