I love you.
I wrote you a poem
It wasn't very good
You loved it anyways
.
You smiled and laughed
When I said that
I thought you were cute
Like a bunny with shades .
.
But you're saying
I'm annoying now
I smother you with
A love you don't want .
.
My dear I could never
Bear to think that
My sweet feelings
Bother you so much .
.
I wanted you to know
You are amazing
My whole world
Even if you don't care.
.
So after this piece
I'll lay down my pen
Not another poem
I will never love again.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
130,455 Literary Works • 671,513 Reviews
Hey speakerskat! CaptainSalty here with a review!
I do like this poem. It's tragically romantic, if that makes any sense. It has good flow, though there are some tweaks needed.
In the first stanza, it doesn't make much sense.
You started with "I love you." And then you started talking about the poem you wrote. That part really doesn't connect very well.
A bunny with shades? That part confused me a little. I would maybe put sunglasses instead.
I would edit that to this instead.
That's all, I guess! Pretty good read, I do like the poem. With those tweaks being put into the poem it will be even better!
I want to read more of your poetry. Don't give up and always write, speakerskat!
-CaptainSalty
Thanks that means a lot, I was refrencing a poem I wrote awhile ago in the first stanza and the bunny with shades thing is an inside joke so I can understand why that might have been confusing.
i love this poem and i am ur freind ,so i ask u not tostop wriing leave that inhuman wrecth to his state and u should not waste ur talent by writing for this guys who only want a girl as a status update type of. these guys be in relation for a particular time then throw u as a old toy. they actually are never in love. as fot the poem i liked the way u narrated the poem and linked it with ur skill of writing.
Yes I agree and I won't stop writing , the negative parts weren't true I was sad when I wrote this but don't worry . The guy it's about is amazing .
Hello!
I really liked the dark, cynical, tone of this poem. Many people cringe away from darker poetry and writing, but I am fascinated by the idea of what goes on in the pits of other people's brains. You did a really good job conveying the sadness and heartbreak the girl felt. There was also subtle rhyming in the poem, which I'm not sure if it was intentional or not, but either way I liked it.
My only critique is to maybe use more details. Just small ones, like maybe use a better word for cute, or more context about the poem she wrote him.
Overall, I thought it was very good and I hope you keep writing!
Yeah it is a pretty dark poem and I was sad when I wrote this but thankfully it's not true . Well not the negative parts .... Thanks for your review ?
!*