I want him

The most distinctive thing about this poem is the format. I do like how incredibly short the line is, especially at the beginning when you were talking about wanting to feel him pressed against you. I thought the whole poem was going to be like that, about narrow spaces, or in some way going to relate to the odd shape of the poem, and then when it didn't I was a little disappointed to be honest. Still, I think a poem this narrow could work, but something you'll want to pay a little bit more attention to is the line breaks. There's a lot of them, so that makes it harder, but it's important to remember that when you write a poem, the last line of each line will have a little bit more attention than the other words of the poem, so when you end the line with an article or a conjunction or with something that doesn't really need that much attention, it just feels a little odd. I think maybe you should make the lines slightly longer, just so you can pay a bit more attention to where the lines break apart.

I love the cookie simile a lot, but I have a sweet tooth so I might be biased It was fun and made me happy, so good job using such evocative imagery.

I also loved the parallel structure of the beginning and the ending, it made everything feel cohesive and profound.

I hope that this review was helpful. Have a happy Review Day!

-tgirly

Ayoooo speakerscat! Aleta here for a brief review. Since I have nothing to critique on I'll just jump into what I thought and what I was feeling when I read your poem. The first line made me think, "Oh alright. So the speaker wants him as her lover, nothing out there." Then I read on and discovered there was much more depth to this poem. The lines talking about how the speaker wanted him pressed up against her form was a shocker but it was a great turn too. Intriguing for definite. When the speaker makes the reference to the cookie it seems like this guy's forbidden in a way but she wants him so bad she just haves to have him, literally needs him. The flow you have here is great and makes my eyes keep wanting for more just like she wants this guy. I love this poem.

Cheers!

Hi! I read this twice, first as a poem and second time as phrase. I enjoyed it the second time. The idea is really good. I liked the way you expressed all that you're feeling and that is a good thing. However, I did not see any point in presenting this as a poem. That too with three words in every line. It killed the flow and rhythm. I'd suggest to realize that poetry is not just prose written in small broken lines. I'd have loved this piece if it were a paragraph.
I won't go into details but I liked every example you took in the poem and emphasis on the fact that love doesn't have to make sense.
-rohan