Bonjour, Speakerskat!
C'est Moonwatcher, here with a review just before review day begins!
Jumping right into the review, this isn't so much criticism as it is advice. I'm talking about the rhyme scheme. This tends to get into people's heads a lot when it comes to poetry, and this is just a friendly reminder that not all poems have to rhyme. My reasoning why I strongly advise to not rhyme: I feel as if rhyming limits the author's creativity. Yes, every word has a rhyme, but that rhyme might not be the word that you're trying to look for. I believe that rhyming limits the words that the author really wants to use, and limits the emotions that the author is really trying to convey. It's very hard to come up with a rhyming word, as well, and when writing the poem, trying to find a rhyming word may get you stumped. A counter argument may be the belief that rhyme scheme helps improve flow, but there are so many other ways to do that, including just simply changing a few words around.
I would also like to point out that the rhyme scheme is very repetitive. It's all words with the ending "ide". Chances are that this is intentional, but it may bug the reader when words are repeating such as "died" and "ride".
I'm not really going to touch the imagery aspect here, because again, it feels so limited by the rhyme scheme that it'd be very hard to improve.
That's all I have to say. Again, I strongly suggest rethinking the rhyme scheme, as that appears to be your biggest flaw in this poem. Regardless, this was a decent poem. Have a great day! ^-^
Points: 11345
Reviews: 117
Donate