Young Writers Society

Hey speakerskat! Please feel free to disregard any suggestions/comments I make, if you feel they're unhelpful. With that being said, I hope you don't mind if I leave you a review

My understanding of your poem:

The narrator's relationship with someone they held dear is coming to an end. Be the relationship just a very close friendship, or a 'relationship', is not 100% clear, but I definitely took it to mean a 'relationship'. If i was wrong, I apoligize in advance. The person also accuses the narrator of never caring for them, but they insist that they did/do.

What I Liked:

I absolutely love that your poem was a simple, three-stanza long poem, yet held such a strong meaning that some need many more stanzas to bring to light. Your poem is well-written and easily conveys it's message of love for this person, and regret at having their relationship come to an end.

My Suggestions:

Why did we push away?

I regret every last mistake,

And now you’re gone to stay.

But please tell me this,

And answer true.

How can you say,

I never cared?

I do.

Radrook here a once again to offer some suggestions.
Apologies if i offend. It isn’t my intention.
Please feel full free to cast aside all things you deem not helpful.
But if you do be sure its true by being extra careful.

That having been said:

Thanks for sharing this poem about a relationship gone awry.

I like the simple language, the poem’s tone, it’s pacing, and the story it tells.
What I find most interesting about the story is that the relationship is described as having gone from a friendship to an amorous one. Also very special is how the spear admits having loved the person who left as a friend as well and how he or she expresses regret for letting things go so far. I like how the speaker admits that he or she is t blame. that is a rare thing since people tend not to admit the blame for such things.


Things I pondered

What does the pushing away mean? Does it refer to pushing away from having been friends and becoming lovers? Or does it refer to pushing away from each other after they had become lovers. The use of “we” seems to place part of the blame on the other person. Does that make the admission of mistakes insincere?

Suggestions

Capitalizing the first letter of each new line makes reading a bit difficult.

I would have added one more Ï do!” for emphasis.


Looking forward to reading more of your work.

Your first stanza is a great beginning. Establishes the current situation and the subject's feelings about it, as well as giving a quick history.

The second stanza furthers the plot, and continues to show the writer's feelings.
"Why did we push away?" is beautiful.
It shows the two are separated, and possibly will never reunite again.

The third stanza is a perfect ending, stating how the writer is feeling still attached, and hopes the other is too.

A perfect little poem, with a simple rhyming scheme that flows well.
A quick, whimsical little read.