Lovesick

Hi, Speaker ^-^
I wanted to tell you first off that you're a really sweet and dedicated member of this site. Everytime I see a piece of work with your name on it, I always click it I don't know much about you personally, but you seem like a very kind person, and I'm always happy to get replies/reviews from you ^-^
Alrightyroo, on to the review!
(The name is beautiful, btw c:)
I just read the poem once all the way through, and at face-value it's beautiful!

Reading it the second time, it's still beautiful! But I found a few errors.

Nice opening:
"It's a whrilpool of emotions,
I can't really find,
My way in this ocean,
It's clouded up my mind."
It's just you typed Whirlpool wrong, but that was clearly an accident "whrilpool" should be "whirlpool", but I know you know that lol Just thought I'd let you know.
The ending verse of the first stanza is epic: "It's clouded up my mind."
it really made the opening intriguing and enjoyable to read. Very nicely done <.3
Anyhoo:
"It's a storm of confuion,
I can't really tell,
What's an illusion,
You've blurred my eyesight well."

One more itsy bitsy typo: "confuion" should be "Confusion" (and again, I know it was just a mistake lol Just thought I'd point it out so you could edit it or something)
And again, I love the way that the last line in every stanza is so beautiful. It lures the reader to continue:
"You've blurred my eyesight well."

And the third:
"It's a famine of connection,
I'm lost in all this fuss,
I need your affection,
For me it is a must."

I loved, genuinely, how you said "It's a famine of connection". Famine implies something negative,but you've used the word "connection" here to make it sound so original and different. I loved reading that part.

Fourth:
"It's a blizzard of secret(s),
They are very hard to keep,
Whenever I think of it,"
Why the (s) in the first verse? Were you unsure if you should say "secret", or "secrets"? If so, It sounds much better saying "secrets", and I'd advise you to remove the braces ().

"I worry they might seap." And seap? I think it's spelled "seep". Seep means to "Pass gradually or leak through or as if through small openings" (Wordweb is a free and wonderful dictionary download, if you are interested. Every writer should have one in my opinion lol)


Fifth:
"I can't help feeling,
All these disasters would go,
If you'd cure this sickening,
And just let me know!"

The ending was the ONLY part that disappointed me. I felt that it fell a little flat compared to the beauty of the rest of the poem. I find the whole piece to sound legitimately professional and BEAUTIFUL, but the last stanza was a bit on the flat side. It sounds like you broke the sentence up too much, and every time I read this part: "All these disasters would go," I mentally tack on "All these disasters would go AWAY," for some reason lol The lovely rhyming pattern dissolves away in the last stanza, and breaks the "flow" of the poem".

"I can't help feeling all these disasters would go,
If you'd cure this sickening and just let me know!"
Might sound better ^ but still, I'd advise you to work on the last stanza and nothing more. Other than that, it was beautiful (the last stanza was, too, but it was a bit rough).
All I can say now is you did a brilliant job, keep writing for us, and do your best ^-^

Good luck, love <.3

Catnip~

i really enjoyed reading LOVESICK, as i think it could rally relate to a teenage girl's life. Sometimes, we just don't know what to do when it comes to love. We're confused to whether or not that person cares the same way for you.
"It's a whrilpool of emotions,
I can't really find,
My way in this ocean,
It's clouded up my mind.

It's a storm of confuion,
I can't really tell,
What's an illusion,
You've blurred my eyesight well."
i particularly liked those two stanzas, because it really digs deep in terms of emotions.

Just some things to keep in mind:

Grammar:
"It's a whrilpool of emotions"
Whirlwind
"It's a storm of confuion"
Confusion
"I worry they might seap"
Seep
Also, the parenthesis around the s in secrets is not really necessary. Just remove it.

Flow:
You really have potential for rhythm. However, using little words in the poem are killing it. Before you out a word in a poem, think to yourself "Is this word necessary, does it serve any purpose?" If it doesn't, take it out. Don't let your poem be filled with "filler" words. For example:
"It's clouded up my mind"
Remove up, you'll find that it'll flow easier off the tongue.

Keep working with this.
~Kay

Speakerskat, this was a really great poem.

It flowed well and it had a great rhyme scheme. It was very romantic it (once again) flowed really well an it was very easy to read. I really enjoyed reading :):):):)

Wow. I think it's truly amazing like I told you! Don't worry! But I really like the poem though. Keep up the good work.~

I think it's truly amazing but you seem so hurt >.< ;u; it'll work out but it's a really nice piece