Lost in Love

I like it. Has a nice sort of ring to it, in my opinion. Nice use of adjectives as well, though a bit is missing. I would like to know more about this guy, he seems alright, so why not just a bit more about him? How you know him, why you like him, etcetera...It would be interesting to see this expanded on, perhaps as a sort of series of poem? Could work.

Nice poem, especially when youre in conflict with yourself deciding whether to tell the guy something or not. Nice and long with descriptive words and sad at parts. I could really tell your emotions throughout the poem. Also, its interesting how things like this happen in life and some people dont notice them. Love the use of words in this poem and the amount of thought you put into it. Keep on writing, you have wonderful ideas and good writings.

Bayleef153

Hey Speakerskat,

You've definitely improved loads. You have a much better command of flow and rhythm -- I particularly liked the slant rhyme in the first stanza: friends/in. You also have a complete rhyme there in that first stanza with years/tears -- but the rhyme is not maintained or consistent. If you're going to start: A/B/A/B rhyme scheme, then it needs to be consistent throughout.

I did think the progression from beginning to end was nicely handled with a twist there in the end about the shyness - which I thought was far more interesting than the premise of an unrequited love. Why not write about shyness and being shy?

Or write a free verse without rhyme? It would be fun to experiment with and an interesting topic if you keep it honest. I think the problem with a lot of the love poems is that everybody writes a love poem. So, it's almost expected that if you're going to write a love poem -- might as well try to make it your own/unique in some way.

Hope this helps.

~ as always, Audy

It was a lovely poem, describes my life perfectly!

This was a great poem. The short an articulate lines in your stanzas are very grabbing. The adjective you used fit well and the poem flowed well. It was very sweet an romantic and many people can relate to the situation you described in the poem. It was a great prom and I just want you to write more






~MindBlown

This was a romantic and amazing poem!!!
It's way better than the stuff I write


~MindBlown

Hi Speakerskat,

It's a nice poem It's sweet but sad, and something I'm sure many people can relate too. You tell the story well. But I feel like this piece could use some beautiful description to make it just that much better. Having a majestc way with words can bring this message across stronger. I suggest you work on that and see how it goes from then on.

That's all the advice I have!

Deanie x

Aww thanks guys! And I noticed the "to" too I just didn't comment. I will try to write another piece soon and I really hope this story works out as well XD

Thanks again!

This is so sweet and sad and just ughhhhh, I love it! You put everything together beautifully. it's so nice to see since I'm in the same spot. I can't wait to see what else you have in store.

I thought this was really romantic! I loved it! It was really realistic about crushes. Keep up the GREAT work!

This is really well written! The only things that I noticed were that no emotion was explained, it was spoken of, but you didn't really go into detail. It really isn't such a big deal though since so many people can relate to this, their own feeling are forced to the surface while reading your poem. One last thing that I caught was you used to wrong to on the second to last line, "you might like me too"

You are really good!
Toodles.

Oh woops! Forgot to capitalize "love" in the title. Please ignore that ! *not a review*! I would love some comments on this piece, I wrote it on the spurr of the moment cause I had this on my mind . I also mispelled sheer sorry