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130,613 Literary Works • 671,514 Reviews
So, hello again!
I just wanted to check most of your lvoely poetries, so here I am now. I love the tittle of this work, from all your works, it really caught my eye and made me check it, before anything else to steal my attention from it. Your first para is well thought of, and also, rhymed, which a small bonus for me. Now, I will go through this work to check for grammar and punctuation mistakes, because if there are none, this work is perfect.
Editing Zone
Gastly purple,
erie white.
As the sun sets,
into the forboding night.
Lifless ground.
Longs for morning,
the fresh sweet dew,
is quite rewarding.
The omnious shadow of gray,
takes all the hope away.
telling untold stories,
of a forthcomming day.
It shows the future,
pail and bleak.
Just the slightest bit of orange,
one hopeful streak.
The sky holds our future,
louded with mystery.
On days when it is clear,
I can see my future written in my history.
I hope this helped, and keep on writing.
My lovely works...? You're picking all my old awful ones to review haha. I wrote some of these when I was ten...
They are not awful! XD
Hey, Kat,
I like what you're trying to do here, and I can see the sky you're describing. You kept an even rhyme scheme throughout the majority of the poem, except when it came to the end, where it kind of dragged a little. I personally think the rhyme is holding you back here, dear, because you have quite a good direction going in your description of the skies, but your rhyme is forcing you to limit the words you use. I'm quite curious to see what you could do in a freestyle poem.
Another thing I want to suggest to you is broadening your imagery. Words like shadow, clouds, and sky are so... ordinary and straightforward! I'm not saying you need to be cryptic or flowery in your description, but you can incorporate beautiful metaphors in your poems. Let's say an ominous shadow looks like a black stallion. A black stallion taking hope away sounds a lot more exciting than an ominous shadow, you know? Allegory is an excellent way to present the same ideas in an exciting light.
Hope that helps a little,
June
Yes thank you... I love going back and fixing my poetry after I get comments like this. I did so after Kaylyn commented on my poem goofy and people seem to like it better as do I. I have always felt this poem was missing something. After review day I will try to get around to it. Thanks again
Just a few things:
Grammar:
"Pail and bleak"
You used the wrong version, it should be pale not pail.
"Erie white"
Should be spelled Eerie.
"Of a forthcomming day"
Should be spelled forthcoming, just take out that second m.
Rhythm:
Just some ways to help with the flow.
"Just the slightest bit of orange"
I would take out "bit of" as I think it flows a little smoother.
I really like the ending stanza and the way it just finishes off the poem. Great job with that, and it flows quite nicely. Good luck and keep writing!
~Kay
Thanks. Yeah, my spelling is....defficient. (if I spelled that wrong *faceplam*)
I really enjoyed this! Wonderful work.
It flows very well and stays on theme, but what could it possibly mean?
Ya this comment is for everyone. It is a little confusing and I am awful at spelling sorry! It means that the sky is like our future and sometimes we think we know it but it is clouded with mystery ( pun!) . And the whole line about future in history is because what we have done and do now will effect us later on in our future. I mean I just thought of this but kinda how our past actions effected the ozone XD
The sky was gray and had some orange in it, just a lil, so I wrote about it!
My spelling is junk..just wasn't in my poem because it highlight the word so I'd ask my parents how to spell the words that I couldn't spell..haha
[The omnious shadow of gray,
So it flowed nicely and had a nice way of seeping into my eyes...ok, ok, I know that sounded weird..but it's so true! Your poem was amazing!
(Embers of Emotions)
L8ter! -Neonmask 
One more thing: I liked the pun! 
Takes all the hope away,
Telling untold stories,
Of a forthcomming day.]
Those were my favorite parts of this poem, and it was all creative and a enjoyable read!
I really liked how easy it was to read- the stanzas were all about the same size,not some tiny and some short, you know.
Great job! And thank-you for commenting on my poem!
I truly appreciate it!:)...........hope to see more of your poems in the future..ok the sky won't tell me if you'll post more poems soon...haha I'm totally kidding, (well, I know it won't, but you were not writing that the sky would do anything like that so that's why I was totally kidding.haha) Well, awesome job!!!
Hey there!
Alrighty then, lets rollll! So, one thing that confused me were the first two lines in the second stanza, "Lifless ground, Longs for morning" it obviously has a deeper meaning, I just don't understand what you were getting at. Also, I think you meant Lifeless instead of Lifless.
Ah...the third stanza has some great vocabulary, great job! Ominous is probably the word you were looking for though, it's still fantastic that you used it, it's a lovely word to say...and write.
Woah...the fourth stanza...FANTASTIC. I love it, it's wonderful, lovely even. The fifth stanza is great too. Such a powerful ending.
Toodles.
Wow. That was a great poem! The only thing I caught was that eerie was spelled wrong...
Each stanza told a different story and it was very intriguing, but kinda on the sad side until I got to the end. The last stanza was very well written and very deep, I loved it