Seagulls on a Rock
Hip hop seagulls on a rock,
Zip zop seaguls won't stop,
Bing bang seagulls go cling clang,
Bam boom seagullls in the afternoon.
Oh no crash seagulls in a flash,
Hip hop seagulls fly away,
Flap swoosh another day,
Hey hey seagulls back to play.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,814 Reviews
I... am not sure what to make of this poem to be quite honest. It's certainly unique, though I'm not sure that's a good thing in this case. There are a couple of places where it doesn't really make sense.
It certainly was unexpected, and it is a rather fun poem. You also win points for originality, for sure.
Now, there are a couple of things I'd like to suggest. For one, if you could italicize the sounds (like "cling clang"), it would make reading your poem less confusing. Right now the sounds blend into the actions, which makes things hard to follow. With a poem as fun as this, you want your readers to be able to follow along right away so they can have fun reading it, too.
You could also use a bit more punctuation. Punctuation also helps your readers understand what's going on right away, and so it's really important. For example, "Oh no crash seagulls in a flash," could use an exclamation mark here or there like this: "Oh no! Crash! seagulls in a flash,"
It's a little easier to read that way, and exclamation points make things a bit more exciting. Just be sure not to use them too much, otherwise your readers will get tired from all the excitement.
Hey! I don't know if you are still on here, but I just wanted to say thank you. I was really young when I wrote this and I cringe when I read it now! It was thanks to people like you that I kept writing and now I am an English major in college.
I'm glad to hear that!
*likes*