Important Decision

by speakerskat

Published April 29, 2016

E - Everyone

In poetry

My heart

Is a battlefield

Two opposing men

Pull on either side

One a lost lover

One a new chance

Both hold my heart

Firm in their hands

Accidentally

Ripping me apart

'

Will I bend

Will I break

Whose hand

Shall I take

'

Or will stress

Claim it's bride

With death

In its stride

'

It's time to make

An important decision 

Comments & reviews · 6
User avatar
Elijah
Review
Elijah wrote a review Review · Apr 29, 2016

Or will stress

Claim it's bride

With death

In its stride

This spanza is seriously my favourite from this short poetry.
I can not be sure who are we talking about in this work but I will try to figure it out myself. XD
So surely it is romance thing because we are talking about a choice between two man.
A woman trying to choose between an old lsot love and a new chance with someone new in her life, I guess. I see this as an impossible choice to make as you describe it.
The capitalization in the beginning of each line is not my favourite but I think this is the choice of the writer? You choose to use it or not. With that left behind, I really love this work.
Maybe the spanza from above is my favourite because of the smooth and sweet rhyme there.

Keep on writing. Surely you will keep on doing it even if I say it or not.

User avatar
acm
Review
acm wrote a review Review · Apr 29, 2016

Hi speakerskat, acm here for a review! I really liked this poem. It had a great rhythm and the battlefield metaphor really enhanced the poem. The only thing I would fix, is the punctuation.

Will I bend
Will I break
Whose hand
Shall I take

This, I would make,
'Will I bend?
Will I break?
Whose hand
shall I take?'
Since they are all questions, they need to have some sort of punctuation. That was the only thing, though. This had a really great message, and I loved how it subtly rhymed, but the rhyming didn't take over the poem. Great job!

User avatar
OreosAreLife
Review
OreosAreLife wrote a review Review · Apr 29, 2016

Speakerskat, This was a magnificent poem! It reminds me of Twilight a little. Your flow was great and kept me reading. I can also relate to this a lot. I think that your words ring true for a bunch of people.

"Will I bend

Will I break

Whose hand

Shall I take"

These words are the best in the poem in my opinion. They tell how she (I'm assuming the person is a she) feel about choosing one over the other. It really touched me this poem did. You did a marvelous job writing it. I don't see anything wrong with it at all. Keep writing and I hope to read more of your work in the future!
AshleyDashley

User avatar
Gymnast2801
Review
Gymnast2801 wrote a review Review · Apr 29, 2016

Can I just say: wow!
This poem is truly amazing and so well written!!
The first verse was my favorite just because it flowed so well. I can tell that this person (I'm guessing it's a girl) is in love with two people and she can't decide who to be with. The two men (let's just say it's a girl) are unknowingly ripping her heart apart and she doesn't know what to do. Her last resort is death but she is trying to hold out because her time is almost over and she is close to making her decision.
Great poem, I had nothing to cortque you on other than the ending could rhym but that's just a personal preference, nothing that must be fixed.
Keep writing wonderful poems!
-Gymnast2801

User avatar
Ephemera
Review
Ephemera wrote a review Review · Apr 29, 2016

Hullo, luv! :D
First off, I really love your word choice. It's also a relatable subject; a lot of people have been there. It's incredible how often the old and the new overlap in such a way that eats at you.
On the reviewing side of things, the alterations in line-count per stanza threw me off a bit, but that's just me personally.
Also, I love, love, LOVE your death reference. The idea you're married to death when you pass is interesting and thought-provoking. Strangle enough, it made me smile. :D I love seeing creativity like that in writing.
I also enjoyed how you tied in the title with the end; it was abrupt, but satisfying. It really suits the topic-matter.
Finally, I really enjoy the way you distribute your syllables in your lines! It makes for a choppy, breathy feel that goes a long ways while reading. Really gets you into the tension and anxiety of a situation like that.
Happy writing!! :D

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bloodstring
Comment
bloodstring commented Comment · Apr 29, 2016

Mahn!!!....so awesome....wish you all the best in your writing career!



"Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?"
— Albus Dumbledore