The Intricate Line

I like what this poem wants to say. It wants to tackle the idea that even in a single motion, a single vision there is so much we don't register or understand, so how can we hope to understand all of reality and the movements that are COMPLEX and the visions and imagery that is COMPLEX? It's a lovely idea, not one you see too much as a topic in a poem, so I'm glad to be on this adventure with you.

The problem is that you have no strong imagery. This is a poem about seeing and not being able to comprehend, but you have the vaguest and blandest of examples: butterflies and words. There's nothing specific about the butterflies. No particular surge of color you direct us toward. Because of that, they appear in our minds eye like silhouettes of butterflies or the outline of their shapes, not as living, breathing, colorful and intricate bugs. You poem would benefit so much from having colorful and shivering butterflies. I'd consider reworking that stanza. Because yes, obviously words has no imagery. If it does, it's black and white and therefore a little bit uninspiring. I know that because we're writers, there's big meaning in taking apart the words into their letters. We sink so deep into words we feel like there MUST be another level. But I bet you could find a comparison that would be more accessible to the average reader. Another striking image of stretching something apart and looking for the small pieces. Like taffy corn. Or whatever you have in your mind that you want to share.

The last thing I have to say is please be careful of your presentation, so we don't get hung up on spelling and punctuation when we should just be reading your poem. Punctuate your poetry like it's a piece of prose, and remember it's "intricateness".

Okay! Go! Good luck and always keep writing.
Please PM me if you have any questions or comments about my review~

A happy reviewing day to you

I like how you sarted the poem, it's simple yet it works. I like the emotion, it's always present and it makes he peice seem alive. I like the image of the buterfly and how you want to stretch the words out.

The poem flows and you have a really good imagination.

I agree that this is a very great poem. I love how you are showing how imagination can bloom from the smallest seed (the seed being the line), it really embodies how far the mind can go. Ironically, your imagination in this poem is but a simple bud, waiting for the right time to show its brilliance. Yes, there are some very simple spelling errors, but I think that there is a lot of potential in this poem. Add more detail to what your single line is drawing, describe the butterflies wings or something of the sort. Emphasize the "intricatness" of your single line by describing in great detail what your line is drawing. Truthfully, when I read the last line, it made me think of an Etch'e'Sketch. This poem is telling me how something very simple, short, and blunt can say all of the words in the world. One last thing, I rarely ever say this but, extend the length of this poem with detail. It may add some fun irony to it!

Hey aouther2b here. I am really excited to get to review such a good piece. So I'll dive right in.

The good:

1. The emotion- I love it's constant presence. The way that you feel is felt by the reader in each line.

2. The consistancy- Most see consistancy with things like the rhyme scheme, I see it though with just the structure and flow of the poem. You have a great momentum.

3. The subject- That is really what drew me to this piece. You obviously love writing, and fancy that so do I. But you have done something that so few can do, you have managed to put into words what exactly writing means to you.

What I didn't like:

1. "I'd take all thoe dreams" Purely gramatical, I believe you wanted to say those.

2. Imagery- there is a little bit, but I can't really visualize the idea's you were trying to get across.

Overall: Its a really good piece. If you left it as it is, it would still be wonderful. Great job!