Young Writers Society

This is Nikayla here dropping in for a review on Review Day.

You could definitely call this poem effective at making the reader feel something. Or at least, this poem made me feel something. At the same time, I'm confused as to what you're attempting to get across with this poem. It seems that you're trying to portray this scene or atmosphere with a quiet girl in high school, writing alone. The last four to five lines seem to suggest that this girl that is described is asking for help or reaching out for help in her writing, yet it never gets across to her friends.

The reason as to why it's touching no one seems to be that they either never notice her pleas or that her friends never noticed them. Regardless of what those lines are supposed to mean, I think that I can say that I'm a fan of this poem, simply for the atmosphere that is portrayed or depicted here. The cologne and ink. The navy converse. The noises that attribute to the background of this girl's writing.

All of these details build on the atmosphere, and the only complaint is that there could have been more. These details that are here are a little bit scarce since the poem is so short. Overall though, it's a nice piece even if the overarching theme that you were attempting to get across is a little bit lost. I'd like to know what message you're attempting to portray with this poem, and once you do that, this poem will be an even more solid one. If you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask! I hope I helped and have a great day.

At points it is somewhat confusing in its expression, such as the end of line 2, and the start of line 3, perhaps insert a comma or full stop to allow it to flow easier. It is also prevalent with "sound of french horn", it sounds rather disjointed and clunky. I also think starting a line, even if its a continuation of a sentence with a connective (such as 'and') is a bad idea, but that is subjective. I would also say that you should experiment with new words, not only to enhance your poem, but achieve a greater grasp on your vocabulary, however your poem seems to benefit from its simplicity, especially as it is about a girl at a high school, so I think it fits well!

I like the ideas, a young girl is busy writing and expelling all her emotions to those around her, yet they're too enthralled by the aforementioned sounds, and only the girl can see the mysticism of the ink and paper. She is alone in her ideas because no one wants to heed them, no one cares, they're much too preoccupied in their own nonsense. Or rather, that is what I thought the message was attempting to convey.

It's petite, easy to read and still offers a degree of sophistication.

Hi I am prakhar your title is a good one but yup have to work on your poem still i like how you described that eyes and all that but still it is a good one I am impressed from your poem