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125,005 Literary Works • 672,805 Reviews
This is Nikayla here for a review!
So this was an interesting read. I'm going to jump right into the poem, so here we go. I wasn't a huge fan of the structure for this poem, but I can understand why you chose it. I'd like to see more experimenting with the structure of the poem rather than just the standard four-lined stanzas. Explore outside of that, because it could potentially make this poem stronger, though I can see places where it does work well and where you make it fit. The first stanza is strong in setting up for the rest of the poem and I appreciate the emotion put into it, though it doesn't really touch on imagery all that much--which is okay in this case. The second stanza doesn't really happen to have a lot of problems in it though I do think the addition of commas throughout the poem would help the flow better, but it isn't needed.
The poem is quite real in what it's portraying so far and I'd like to see more or rather, feel more about the idea that love starts out as something good or happy but sometimes it has an aftertaste that's sour. The third stanza wasn't really all that spectacular because it's very general, which is something that I found about this poem. I'd like to see more imagery involved with it. Describe more of what's going on, and if you don't know what to describe, use metaphor to define your emotions and what you mean.
I feel the same about stanza four and five in that they're general and I would like to see it gone deeper into with more detail. Imagery would help the poem in this as I've stated before, but I'm going to go on to the rest of the poem. Five and six are stronger in this aspect and definitely hurt more than the rest of the poem. It's relatable and it hurts in that way--we can feel the emotion flowing through the poem and I can understand why you wouldn't want to go into details at parts because it is a tough subject matter to write on. Overall, the poem works for what it is, but I can see it becoming even stronger if you used metaphor throughout it to make it more powerful.
I hope I helped and have a great day! Sending positive vibes your way.
This is a great poem. I'm not sure if you're telling a true story through this piece of work, but let's say, I know the pain through abuse as well, and this is true. It's vivid, and although a poem, this was filled with imagery in one way or another. 'I love you' can be a courtesy. I like this poem. It's real, and it shows a messed up society the truth about abuse. Abuse is neither fun nor glorious. It hurts and will mess a person up for the rest or their lives. And sometimes, a person will never be forgiven for a sin like that. Keep writing.
What all can I say about this poem? It has painted a very distinct picture. I can't be clearer thick saying I'm in love with this piece of work. I'm not sure what else to say.