Paper Mate

by speakerskat

Published May 23, 2013

E - Everyone

In poetry

If you were my paper mate,
We'd write down all our secrets,
On our paper they'd be safe,
No one else would see it.

I know you're not very vocal,
And I'm a little shy,
Writing will make us open and hopeful,
Our arms stretched to the sky.

We'd learn things about eachother,
That we never knew,
Writing back to one another
"I reallly like you too."

~Let me know if you have any suggestions..... I was reallly bored when I wrote this so...
Comments & reviews · 4
User avatar
Kaylyn
Review
Kaylyn wrote a review Review · May 24, 2013

Just a few things:

Grammar:
You need a space between each and other in the third stanza.
Really only has two L's..looks like a typo.

Flow:
So your last two stanzas hae a set rhyme scheme, but the first one does not. All poems don't have to rhyme, but if you do, try to be consistant.
Also, I think that you could remove "I know" in the second stanza to help with the flow being smoother. Also maybe remove "open and" in that same stanza.

Content:
I like the comparision and for it to be off the cuff after a test, its really not to shabby. The only line I had a problem with was the "Our arms stretched to the sky", it's a line I've heard dozens of times. Then again, one cliche line isn't going to kill your poem.

Keep working with it, good luck and keep writing!

~Kay

Lovexorxhatred wrote a review Review · May 23, 2013

Heehee, hey it's me. x) Um it was a little weird 'cause in stanza one you never rhymed! :O. But who am I to talk? Haha. My rhyme scheme is always a little off, but this was a cute poem reminded me of the song by One Republic. I did like though how just a simple pencil was giving a bit of meaning. I do suggest a little bit of suggestion, y'know to clear things up. :)

User avatar
Rook
Review
Rook wrote a review Review · May 23, 2013

I don't know whether you're talking to your pencil or a person. I'd make that clear. Also, the rhyming is a bit forced and not very good. Sorry. I don't really understand what is going on in the poem, is it a love poem? are we just happy? But it's an intriguing concept and I think you should continue to pursue it. Keep writing!

ya it isn't one of my better ones...the test was really long so I think it killed my brain lol XD

I really have no idea if I was talking to my pencile or not.....good question

User avatar
MindBlown
Review
MindBlown wrote a review Review · May 23, 2013

Hey Speakerskat! Gret poem I love it :) it flowed nicely and had great use of adjectives. I'm sure this was just a typo but each other has a space ;). What would really make this poem come alive is if you added a few examples of figurative language. Anyway great poem and I hope to see more soon.





~MindBlown



Patience is the strength of the weak, impatience is the weakness of the strong.
— Immanuel Kant, Philosopher