Blue was the color of her heart
A lifeless hapless hopelessness
Sinking in the abyss that was
Her soul .
-
Red was the color of his heart
A happy sappy sweetness
Lifting up the joy that was
His soul .
-
Green was the color of spring
In which those two hearts
Joined as one in the bonds
Of holy matrimony .
-
Yellow was the color of summer
Garnished by the cry of
A new born baby boy
Their whole world .
-
Orange was the color of autumn
When the air was sweet with
A love stronger than ever
As the family grew.
-
White was the color of winter
Their child now a man
Off to find his own destiny
As his parents age .
-
Black is the color of death
Claiming their souls in sleep
Forever loosing their lives but
Never loosing their love .
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139,867 Literary Works • 672,779 Reviews
Hello Speakerskat! To start off with, this was fascinating! I liked the overall rhythm and tempo of the piece. The change in the use of colors to represent time periods and feelings was well thought out, and it showed delightfully.
My only odd-ball issue (probably just the way I personally read poems) was a bit of a tempo oddity in the final lines of a few of the stanzas. For instance, the "her soul/his soul" lines felt awfully short, and I just wished the others packed a little more of a punch- especially when leading up to the last stanza! (Which is poignant and I liked it a lot.)
Other than that, an overall nice piece.
Keep it up,
- Renn
This is fantastic!
Like honestly this is really good, and so cute!, few notes/comments
One: i kinda liked the whole repeating the soul part, however there was something that kinda made it off putting. not sure either way i still enjoyed the piece.
two:" White was the color of winter
Their child now a man
Off to find his own destiny
As his parents age ."
so not sure about the whole as, maybe it would be better as at.
These are just my thoughts on it, all in all i absolutly love it to death it was supper cute, keep up the good work
Maddie
Hi! there speakerskat
Aww, I'm smiling all the way while reading it. I really enjoyed this. I find your style & your use of colors & seasons really artistic. I saw their story all the way and the start of their child's, as well. It was happy and warm.
Which explains the title, it was truly colorful. The simplicity is what attracted me. No need for so many complications. You described their lives in the 1st two stanza's. Different but with each other, that's a different story.
Technically, I don't have much to say. I would just recommend the use of commas but, nonetheless, it was beautiful that way.
Hope to read more from you
>Cha
Thanks :3 love how you said the comma thing in a sentence overflowing with commas ~ it's just a stylistic choice .
hahaha. I tend to punctuate a lot, I guess, without even realizing. Not unless stated or read once more
But I really enjoyed your poem 
I absolutely love the theme of your poem. It has a tender wording to it but its not sappy. I also love how you were able to make a story that had a beginning with a proper end just by using colors to describe the stages of life. Wonderful job!!! I can't wait to read more.
I absolutely love the theme of your poem. It has a tender wording to it but its not sappy. I also love how you were able to make a story that had a beginning with a proper end just by using colors to describe the stages of life. Wonderful job!!! I can't wait to read more.