You're like a kitten with a ball of yarn
a cute mess I can't explain
and sometimes don't understand
but love anyways .
.
Plus, being normal is overrated
it's more fun to be quirky
so you can laugh at toast
and bunnies in shades .
.
You have a way of speaking
that always makes me smile
or blush so hard that
tomatoes would laugh.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
But with a personality more alluring
than your charming physique
it's hard to imagine
that you're not spoken for .
.
What's really amazing though
is the joy I feel when
your eyes fill with wonder
shining like blue stars.
.
When I am with you
it's like the sky after a storm
everything is clear and beautiful
nothing else matters.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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130,613 Literary Works • 671,514 Reviews
Heya Kat!!
This is Eros here!!
This is a really wonderful poem. It is a cute and a sweet poem. You have expressed the feelings in a really sweet way. The very first sentence of your poem
"You're like a kitten with a ball of yarn" gives a cute and innocent description of him. I like this.
The second last stanza:
"What's really amazing though
is the joy I feel when
your eyes fill with wonder
shining like blue stars."
Gives a perfect discription of his eyes. "Shinig like blue stars" gives a real, twinkling ffect. It was all beautifully composed. It flows very fluently. I loved to read it.
You are doing great!! Keep it up!
I enjoyed reading it very much and it really poked my soul in a way a poem hasn't before. Very odd word choices sometimes for a probably very odd guy. I have nothing to criticize except that cherries laugh super easily, I would have gone with something harder to get to laugh such as a tomato or a potato. I agree with several of your points and hope whoever you wrote this for enjoys it as much as I did.
hello! Kamryn here with a quick review!
I'm kinda emotional right now so I'm sorry If I don't make any sense, but let's get right into it
Introduction:
I really love how this poem has an almost childlike voice to it
Formatting and Punctuation:
You put a space between the end of the sentence and the period in some of your stanzas like this . Make sure there is no space, unless that was a stylistic choice
Flow and Phrasing:
I felt like the first half of the poem was too simple compared to the rest, or the last half was too sophisticated for the first half. make sure that you keep word choice same throughout most of the poem.
Vocabulary:
nothing I can see...
Grammar:
nothing that I haven't already mentioned.
Style:
I really like this poem just make sure you make it more whole, instead of half with crazy cool words and half with simple words.
---------
sorry if that didn't make any sense but I hoped this helped!
-Kamryn
Thanks for the review , yeah I had to submit it on my phone so I couldn't fix those spaces >.< I did mean for it to be half funny half sophisticated because the guy in the poem means a lot to this person but they also have a very lighthearted relationship .
oh okay, that makes sense.