Never have my weary eyes
fallen upon a more beautiful sight
she is dignified and lovely
in her pink cotton dress
school books clung close,
close against her bosom
as though they were a gift
from God.
,
A smile plays up my wrinkled cheeks
as the little girl struts by my house
her skin a deep shade of chocolate
her black hair tied up just so
as to swish side to side when she walks
in all my seventy long years
never has my heart held such hope
for my beloved country.
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Canary word: Present
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,814 Reviews
Hello! Great poem speakerskat!
This poem is beautiful. The meaning is great. I think the imagery with the little girl is great too. You did a great job. I think that the poem is choppy when you talk about the girl's books, but that could have just been me struggling to read it because of my own problems. Other than that, I love this so much. I think that doing it from an older perspective was interesting because that isn't something that is seen a lot. Not many authors provide an older view because most people associate older folk with being more racist. You did an absolutely fantastic job.
I love the poem. The way you use the black girl as symbolization for the progress of America since the 60s is absolutely amazing. I like how you made the poem relatively concise and detailed only the girl, allowing the reader to draw conclusions about what you mean about the poem. I think that the meaning of the poem is much deeper than what is just on the surface. I love the poem honestly. I don't see much room for improvement honestly. It's incredible! Keep up the good work!
Thank you very much.
Hello. Here to check your work.
I really like the emotions and feelings put into this poetry. I think you had done your job, writiNg this, very well. You have a very nice and smooth connection between the lines, and fascinating flow.
Now, to the editing zone.
Here I will check and if needed, correct parts of this work of yours.
Never have my weary eyes ,
fallen upon a more beautiful sight ,
she is dignified and lovely ,
in her pink cotton dress .
School books clung close,
close against her bosom ,
as though they were a gift from God.
, I honestly do not know why this a is here for
A smile plays up my wrinkled cheeks ,
as the little girl struts by my house ,
her skin a deep shade of chocolate ,
her black hair tied up just so ,
as to swish , side to side, when she walks .
In all my seventy long years ,
never has my heart held such hope ,
for my beloved country.
Overall, I really love thid beautiful work and I hope you keep on writing more like this.
Hello! Thank you for the review however punctuation is a stylistic choice.
Yes, this is why, it is a thing you do not need to take as critique.
Speakerskat, This was a great poem! The flow from line to line was great and kept the poem going! The way you described stuff throughout the poem was great and gave a a visual! I think you did a really good job with this poem! Overall keep up the good work and I hope to read more of your work in the future!
AshleyDashley