A yellow fog clouds
the brilliant sunrise
as thoughts shroud
my mind in lies.
A knife and, something dies.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,796 Reviews
Hey speakerskat! It's Queenie here to review your poem. I really like your poem because I think that it was written in a beautiful style. Now for the critiques. I like the rhyme scheme in the beginning because it helped with the flow, but then I think that the last line should rhyme with clouds instead of lies so it fits the rhyme scheme. Also, I think that this poem was a little confusing, so perhaps consider elaborating more, making your poem a little bit longer. That being said, I still think that it was a very enjoyable poem, and I look forward to reading your future works.
Sup, speakerskat! It's your girl, Caitlin, coming at you!
I'm here to review your poem, so lets get to it.
The first two lines were strong and created an incredible image in my mind. So those two lines were great.
But I didn't quite understand the last line. But, ya, the poem was great overall, but the last line needs more work. It just didn't quite fit in with the rest of the lines in your poem.
Well, that is a wrap, peace out fellow writers!
Keep writing!
I'm here with a quick review of your poem
The first thing I noticed was that this was short and strong. Sometimes elaborating too much can ruin a poem. However, I felt as though the last line was awkward--because in my opinion, it didn't match the first four lines. If you intended your last line to be a "killer" line, it didn't exactly succeed. But I liked the parallelism between "fog clouds" and "thoughts shroud". Overall, like I said, your poem was concise but meaningful, but the last line needs some work.
Have a great day!
Princess Ink