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Young Writers Society


16+ Language Mature Content

You Always did the Opposite

by Radrook


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and mature content.

When nights grow frigid you remain aglow.

When days grow warm with cooler air you seethe.

Whenever others laugh you seem to grieve.

When Frauleins choose be swift, you travel slow.

-

You always do the opposite-I know

When they all call me John you call me Steve

When my word is in doubt you choose belief.

When others flee to mountains you stay low.

-

Moon maidens choose to shiver, you do not

though blizzards at our windows rant, rave.

When supple thighs are frozen yours are hot

While wenches fight for freedom you're my  slave.

-

When prideful pretties shunned my offered plot,

you gave 

and gave 

and gave 

and gave 

and gave!

--

: )

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fräulein

Aglow is one word

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/aglow

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Points: 97
Reviews: 4

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Sun Apr 29, 2018 4:52 pm
TheMaskedAstro wrote a review...



Hi, just wanted to give a quick review!

So over all the poem is great! the message i'm assuming is along the lines of how two people can be two opposites, one who despite the situation does the opposite of what is expected, usually staying positive in most situations and the other, well i'm not quite sure. I want to say its thanking him for staying so positive no mater what? (Sorry i'm not always the best at these.)

Also in the line.
"When females flee to mountains you stay low."
I think you mean "Families" (Don't worry i'm bad at spelling myself, I would suggest a prof reader like a do before I publish a story)

Other then that great poem! hope to see more in the future!




Radrook says...


Thanks for the feedback. No, I did mean females. The original had the word "others"" instead of "females". Maybe I should go back to the original.





oh I see, my bad, must have read it as Families for some reason. Sorry about that.



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351 Reviews

Points: 11482
Reviews: 351

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Sat Mar 31, 2018 5:30 am
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Kanome wrote a review...



Hello, Radrook. I am here to provide you a review. Let’s get started, shall we?

I. CLARITY & MESSAGE
From what I understood, it seems like the speaker is saying that his partner shows a positive outlook at life, no matter the struggle. It also seems like the speaker is appreciating everything that his partner has done for him. The message you made the speaker portray was clear, so great job on that!

II. TONE
The tone of the poem seems like that the speaker is happy and appreciative. I love how the tone is. It’s nice to read something so positive and happy, especially when it’s about someone else.

III. STRUCTURE
The only issue I have with your poem is that it needs COMMAS. I am pretty sure you will find them if you read your poem on your own. Other than that, the formatting of your poems looks good. Great job!

IV. OVERALL
Overall, I enjoyed the poem as a whole. I like the speaker’s positive outlook and appreciation to his partner, something that some men AND women need to start showing more in life with their partners, no matter how hard life is for them. You portrayed this well.
Keep up the great work. Keep writing and enjoy the rest of your day.
P.S: Thanks for the word lesson! Now I know that aglow is a word.

- Kanome

This review courtesy of
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Radrook says...


Thanks for the review and sorry about my delay in responding. Things get hectic sometimes and health problems sometimes intervene. Yes. appreciation for a spouse should be expressed if the spouse is showing us special consideration. Such things should never be taken for granted. I wrote this poem approx twenty years or more ago and had it revise it quite a bit from its original form. I will certainly give your suggestion serious considerateness. Thanks for your help in trying to make it better. Much appreciated.



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62 Reviews

Points: 20
Reviews: 62

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Sat Mar 31, 2018 3:51 am
CorruptedArrow wrote a review...



Hey Radrook! You know what I am here for, let's get to it shall we?

"... remain aglow." I'm just guessing but I believe that you meant to put a space between 'aglow'.

"Moon maidens choose to shiver, you do not
though blizzards at our windows rant, rave." Commas, are key! No commas are needed after 'shiver'.

Keep up the writing, and have a good day!




Radrook says...







Sorry I didn't know! I hope you have a Good Easter!



Radrook says...


Thanks for the review. Wish you a good Eater as well. :)




No person can be a great leader unless he takes genuine joy in the successes of those under him.
— W. A. Nance