Why all these epiphanies now?
these sudden realizations,
these constant clarifications appearing from
seemingly nowhere,
revealing previously-baffling
conundrums that had remained hidden,
emerging unbidden from some profound depth
where they had been buried deeply
for some mysterious reason, only to
coalesce now when it is far too late?
-
Once the patient dies, why reveal the cure?
Once the treasure is irrevocably lost, why reveal its location?
-
Exasperating are these sudden, useless revelations.
Profound understandings of rejections for decades unknown
blare with persistent urgency as if the emergency
were present and not past.
-
Previous perceptions are exposed as ridiculous misconceptions.
Sacred truths are revealed as absolute absurdities.
All gratuitously provided for my examination
and intense contemplation as if intended to elicit
joyful appreciation but only provoking my
profoundly bitter consternation
as I seek a justifiable reason for their
belated arrival now, when they are irrelevant,
appalling, apparitions from the past,
-
mocking minstrels with malevolent
stares and sarcastic laughter after a battle has been lost
and the horrible cost can not be redeemed.
Why now and not then when benefit could have been gleaned?
----
Epiphany
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
Hello there <3
I have no idea if this is still relevant or useful to you lol, but it's on my checklist woops. Hopefully, I could still be helpful at some point :>
Now, rather than using my usual style of review. I'm going to dissect it by stanza. In the first one, the second line:
Is a direct definition of epiphanies, which is (so sorry) unneeded and repetitive. Poetry is there for us to personally, creatively, and uniquely define an emotion or thought.
This line is a more roundabout way of defining epiphanies but it's still (really sorry) a bit weak because "clarifications" is almost synonymous to the word "epiphany." It also (still) partially redundant. Plus, they're both pretty abstract words that make the reader feel disconnected with the poem.I understand that the specificity in this poem is related to how jarring epiphanies are, why not go right to that?
The problem with the highlighted part is that "conundrums" loads the word "confusing" so "previously-baffling" is, once again, redundant.
I read your poem twice and what do you mean by coalesce? Can you expound further? How did they coalesce? What's wrong with coalescence? Won't that make it much more understandable and disconcerting/confusing? or were they jammed into you that every thought became elusive?
Moving on to the second stanza,
The meaning of the line is conflicting with each other, how can something "irrevocably lost" have a location?
Personally, I find this a weak description w/ a weak adjective. Once again "revelation" simply repeats "epiphany" and "clarifications." and I see that your poem doesn't have much imagery? You've told us that you're irritated by these epiphanies, but how irritated are you? I know that the tone of the poem somehow shows that, but the only way to make this line stronger ^^ is to answer that question. What did you do when you had those?
Last note before I move on to the next, I genuinely like the rest of the lines in this stanza^^
Just want to tell you that I love the assonance here.
And the alliteration here^^
I'm not sure if these are some happy accidents in the poem, but I'd like to see more of those throughout. It would make it more consistent.
In this stanza, you seem to have a lot of "tion." It gives a formal tone and perhaps that's your style.There's nothing wrong with that but you seemed more focused on the words rather than the message(please don't take offence in this, i'm so sorry)? The description in this stanza is a wee lackluster. Besides getting distracted by the choice of words, there seems to be no emotion. Add more imagery, metaphors and play with some setting.
You talked about "apparitions," why not start from there? Construct a graveyard: if epiphanies were the ghosts, are your emotions the casket? You thoughts the tombstone? This is just a suggestion of course.
+ I'm no longer going to quote it but "bitter" is redundant because "consternation" (in the dictionary) already holds the meaning of "dismay."
I liked the last stanza and there's not much to critique from it. You set up some sort of battle setting, which resonates a much more vivid and powerful message. I could truly feel how atrocious epiphanies are to you.
That's all I have to say! If you have any questions, tell me
I'll be using @HarryHardy's banner here <3
First off, I REALLY enjoyed this poem. I personally think your word choice expressed a unique voice that complements the subject matter quite well. The flow was good for the most part, though with some more attention placed on placement and use of commas I think it could be even better. Something that often helps me to do that is act as if i am composing music. Find the rhythm of the words and them write it down as you hear it in your head. that will not only help with flow but will also give you poems even more impact.
Thanks for the feedback. Will see if I can enhance it with commas.
Just tweaked it with some commas. Does it look better?
yeah, its really good.
Thanks for the help.
Hey Radrook! EverStorm here to review another one of your poems.
I really enjoyed this poem, you have a really inquisitive topic, and it really makes one ponder the universe and all of their epiphanies that came just a little too late.
First, let me start off with everyone's least favorite topic: Grammar and Punctuation. You do a lot better in this poem with prepositions than the last I reviewed, and your flow was really good, but the one thing I would implore you to do would be to make sure you are consistent with your punctuation. You should either leave out commas at the end of a line, or make sure you use commas every line, unless you are using some other form of punctuation. It makes the poem look a little sloppy.
Next, I would really enjoy seeing a bit more vocabulary in this poem. You have a very intriguing and thought provoking topic, but it loses it's affect when you don't use thought provoking vocabulary. Words like "annoying" can be replaced with other words that have more of a punch. Also your last line, "Why these epiphanies when I cannot go back?" loses it's catharsis with such a weak ending word. "Return" would replace "go back" fairly easily, but is still lacking, so I would suggest finding some other wording to convey the same idea, so the reader can have that resolution at the end of the poem, instead of feeling like it was anti-climatic.
I really did enjoy a lot of your other word choices, though. Lines like
"All provided for my examination and intense contemplation"
"blare with urgency as if the emergency"
had really good imagery and packed in a lot of emotion with strong words like intense, blare, urgency. Those are just a couple of examples, but you did it throughout the poem, and it really made it a powerful read.
Overall, I really enjoyed your poem. You did a really nice job with capturing your reader, and with your concluding stanza. If you work on consistency with grammar, then you'll be pretty much set with this poem.
Excellent job, and I hope you have a fabulous day!
EverStorm
Thanks for the review. I will work on the points yo mention. My hesitancy in employing the best vocabulary sometimes is cause by my fear of unintentionally drifting into purple prose. I'm curious about the epiphanies that mankind has had too late to be helpful.
That is a good thing to watch out for. As long as you are still using relatively common vocab, I'm sure it will be avoided. I think you can leave most of it as is, the ending word is what I was most concerned with.
I tried to apply what you advised. Would appreciate your opinion on this version.
I think it is great! The last line is definitely more memorable and I think you added a lot of depth with the new vocabulary, making it more so the reader has to ponder the idea that it could be too late. You did great, I really enjoyed it.
Thanks for the help. Very much appreciated.