With sadness of his eyes
and scars upon his jowls,
yet still he always tries,
no longer snarl nor growl.
-
Though memories of pain
persist to ruin his dreams,
he'll not attack again.
A new canine he seems!
-
Entrusted with a babe,
he nuzzles it with care.
The trust his master gave
he loyally declares.
-
And gratitude he feels
and will forever show.
A dog of great appeal
with peaceful heart aglow!
[media]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yVGg1WpWQ3A[/media]
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,816 Reviews
Hey there, Radrook !!!
This is Eros here with a review for you on this special occasion of the review day !
I loved the poem, "Peaceful Pitbull" very much. It's the story of a dog. I loved the way you have used the different words, in order to explain about the pitbull dog.
The very first stanza itself, is very engaging and interesting and compels us to read more and dive into the poem.
The stanza explains that the dog is sad... Due to some painful memories, as explained in the stanza that follows. The scar about which you have said, gave me a feel about how brave he was. I like the idea of scar. Now by seeing the whole poem, the dog is peaceful. But there's still a scar on his jowls...not just one scar, but perhaps many scars. If the dog is peaceful, he won't be involved in fighting and / or showing violence. Perhaps he has caught a thieve or saved someone. The thieve reason for the scars is perhaps the most appropriate because the next stanza says that the master trusts him for his loyalty. So he must have done something to win his master's trust. And perhaps that time he got those scars. And that gives a very good feeling to the poem.
I am sorry, if I misunderstood the poem...
Overall the whole poem was great, with great description of everything.
Loved it.
Keep writing such beautiful and interesting poetries and other stuff and we would love to keep reading them and reviewing them !
Have a great day / night !
Happy review day once again !
With love,
From Eros.
'
Radrook, hello! Shane here for a (hopefully) helpful review of your poem Peaceful Pitbull. Before I begin, I want to point out that I do not wish to offend you, nor do I wish to tell you what you have to do with this poem. The things I write about regarding your work are merely suggestions, so feel free to disregard what you deem unhelpful.
What I think this piece is about
This poem is clearly about a dog (such as a pitbull) being known for violence, etc but is taken into a good home and is trusted to stop with its violent tendencies. However, I do think you could apply this poem as a sort of metaphor for a situation in which makes this a versatile piece. Perhaps a child is abused, much like this dog was (as you say in the description), and shuts themselves off from the outside world and lashes out at those who try to break their shell, but they are soon entrusted with a glimmer of hope, of a new opportunity at life, and changes his ways.
My Overall Thoughts
This was a very well written poem! You have a (near) rhyme scheme, which is ABAB, which adds flow to the piece. Great job!
My suggestions (feel free to disregard these)
Stanza 1
With(Despite) sadnessof(in) his eyesand scars upon his jowls,
yetstill he always tries,(to) no longer snarl nor growl.
Stanzas 2 and 3
I have no suggestions for these stanzas!
Stanza 4
And(With) gratitude he feelsand will forever show.
A dog of great appeal
with peaceful heart aglow!
To recap...
Although I had a few suggestions, your poem, Peaceful Pitbull, was extremely well written. It pays homage to abused animals in a sweet and thoughtful way. Well done, and don't stop writing!
-Shane
Thanks for the review and the very helpful suggestions. Also for the deeper insight into the connotations of the poem.
Of course; the pleasure is mine!
This is so sweet, it really touched me. I have saved a few dogs that have been abused and this is just a nice thing. I love that you show the pitbull's view of things and how you can feel how hard he's trying to be better than he was. I also enjoyed how you tied in the loyalty and love that can happen between an owner and pet. It ties together really well. It was a good read and I can't wait to see more of your writing!
--RainaDee.
Thanks for the review. I was watching how pitt bulls were interacting with babies on you-tube and was impressed by the gentleness they showed. Such a strong animal and tyet capable of such tenderness impressed me greatly.
This is such a nice poem, though sadly many pit bulls are not as fortunate as this one. Your rhyme scheme is very natural and the ABAB form seems really appropriate for this kind of poem. Your simple words convey a tragic topic in a very nice way.
For some of the lines, I have a few ideas to make them more fluid:
"no longer snarl nor growl"
Given the previous line, "yet still he always tries", I think something similar to "to neither snarl nor growl" would make more sense.
"persist to ruin his dreams"
Maybe something like "persist, destroy his dreams" or "persist, ruin his dreams" would be stronger?
I really liked this poem, and I look forward to reading more!
Thanks for the review. I will give your suggestions serious consideration. Thanx for the help. True about some pitt bulls not being as fortunate.