My mere presence elicits deep hatred,
a suspicious squinting of malevolent eyes,
a gradual hunching of bestial shoulders,
Summons furious furrowing of brutish brows.
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My mere presence creates a rabid recognition,
provokes slowing of gait into steady prowl,
summons forth the predatory staring,
invites the rumbling of a ravenous growl.
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My mere presence turns calmness into tempest,
transforms rationals into rampaging beasts,
morphs placid words into paralzing lightning.
My mere presence provokes a monster within a priest
.
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139,753 Literary Works • 672,698 Reviews
Wow, and I thought this poem couldn't get any more fancy with the personification, metaphors, and alliteration. But then that last line HIT ME DOWN THE STAIRS
"my mere presence provokes a monster with a priest." WAOAOAH. Talk about a punchline. I mean... This is what all poems aspire to be. XDDD
Thanks for the review. There is nothing like bitter experience to get the inspiration flowing that's for sure!
How about a good movie or song or philosopht entrance?
I would say that bitter experience pack more punch.
to each mind its own style is all I can say. XDD
After a while all the teef are gone from the swift kicks but I guess that's the price one has to pay for inspiration.
I still maintain people are inspired in differing ways!
lol
Hi! So, I just wanted to say that this is a really cool way to express an emotion through the pure use of imagery. You describe actions and emotions, but the scene is beautiful.
Onto my critiques: first of all, I'm not really a fan of how your rhyme scheme changes each stanza. It's a little weird for me, and it's really just personal preference, but I'd prefer if you kept it the same throughout.
Another critique: you use the word gradual three times. I'm pretty sure that there are synonyms you could use so that you don't have the same word used twice in three lines(See: http://www.thesaurus.com/browse/gradual?s=t).
Overall, great job, and keep writing!
Thanks for the review. Will reduce the use of the word gradual. If rhyming in that way distracts, then I should avoid it. Thanks for the help.
Ok, so I just read Mary Shelley's Frankenstein. Your piece reminds me of Victor's reaction to the Creature. ... and also of how one would feel under the gaze of a wolf... not that I've been in that situation before. Victor was repulsed, suspicious, even angry at the appearance of the Creature. Victor even tries to kill the Creature.
You're rhyming weird words. I like it. And, again, I do appreciate the vernacular you apply to your work. The structure in your poem flows well with the words you chose.
I'm honestly not seeing much wrong with your work. A good thing, I suppose, but frustrating if you were looking for critiques.
I think my favorite line is 12. It only takes the perceiving of a threat for a human to make a 180 in nature.
Thanks for the review. Funny how Mary Shelly seems to have surpassed her husband in fame with that story isn't it? I don''t recall reading her original version but now you have made me very curious and will seek an on-line source. True about how humans will suddenly undergo a transformation if they perceive a threat. Unfortunately, sometimes the threat is merely the result of their prejudices which causes them to perceive danger where no danger actually exists.
Mary Shelly is phenomenal, and Frankenstein is well worth the read. I, personally, was astounded by how far off pop culture has put the story.