Mother, you appear vibrantly alive in dreams,
as if death’s gloom had never overshadowed your day.
As if you had miraculously stayed
somewhere nearby observing my painful sighs,
my life in disarray .
As if you still need to offer me a comforting smile
for a little while in this somber life.
Reaching out to me in compassion,
still concerned about your only son,
with motherly caress upon my brow,
telling me that soon, somehow,
all these sorrows will be gone.
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139,754 Literary Works • 672,699 Reviews
Hullo, I will preface this by saying I don't really know what I'm talking about so you don't have to listen to me! XD These are just my thoughts on your poem!
First impression: I really liked it! It flowed well I wasn't confused, while I was intrigued after reading only two lines.
Excellent word choice, really made the feelings come alive to me, and the format was easy enough to follow which is always nice!
I don't have anyting negative to say really except it could be longer maybe? I feel like you could've drawn it out a little longer and gotten more emotions to/from the readers, like, I was close to getting emotional and then it ended. So extending it would be great if you can contiue the same quality of word choice and flow.
Anyway, like I said this is just how I feel, take it with a grain of salt XD thanks- Anne
Thanks for the review. Very much appreciated.
Hi! This poem is brilliant! I love the commentary on grief. It's so powerful and true to life. I enjoyed the absence of rhyme, it's very refreshing to read as it still has a nice rhythm to it. It all flows very nicely. I loved your use of pauses. It creates a dramatic and heartbreaking atmosphere within the narrative. Overall it was wonderful! The second stanza, in particular, is my favourite! Well done! Keep it up
Thanks for the review and encouraging words. Much appreciate it.
What a beautiful poem! It touches my soul.
Such great beauty encompassed succinctly in three short lines. It was as if I could feel the caress. Lovely.
I think I felt this a little out of place. It is, of course, my personal opinion. I feel that the entire poem gives off this effect of a mother's love that transcends time and death. It is unconditional.
I feel that these two lines break away from these emotions. I'm a little put off by the phrases "need to" and "for a little while".
Otherwise, I think this is a gem. The feelings you evoke in me are something I look forward to. It gives me great pleasure.
Great job. Keep writing!
Cheers.
Thanks for the review. Very much appreciate it.
Hello IvoryRose here for a review! First off great use of pauses. They give a more dramatic and sad feeling. The reader can see the narrator’s emotions, through constant pauses. Remember though pauses can be your greatest ally or enemy. Never over due them, but in this piece it works. My favorite stanza has to be stanza 3. It might be a short one, but in my opinion the most impact. As if the narrator feels unwanted, but wants to stay for the person. Only to be followed by the mother giving them the affection they need. Good job on that. As per my critique, maybe it could have be longer. The dream atmosphere could have been added and the sensory details as well. Describe how mother looks, sounds, smell etc. We got emotional impact, just not sensory. Overall you did an amazing poem!
Thanks for reviewing the poem. Very much appreciate it.