I am the man who pierced the Son of God.
My God! What is this thing that I have done?
Ten thousand strokes deserve I with a rod
for having stabbed the one with goodness shod
the day his living breath was finally gone.
What say ye soldier? O ye Roman guard?
Centurion, beware of your display.
You insult Caesar with your disregard
for his divinity. Do not impart
to this Judean what you say.
I’ve seen him in my dreams a thousand times,
thorn-crowned saliva streaming from his beard.
I see his flesh each time I sit to dine.
His blood appears within my finest wine.
Behold his righteous eyes in all that’s dear.
Centurion! Hold tongue! Do not proceed!
This foolishness you speak becomes you not!
This man? He bleeds like all the others bleed.
To give it thought there isn’t any need.
Within his grave he’ll stay! So let him rot!
That voice o Lord! That voice! I hear it still!
“Forgive them God they know not what they do!
All is accomplished just as you have willed.
All prophecy is now in me fulfilled.
I offer up my spirit now to you.”
And then I thrust my spear into his side
to ascertain that he was really dead.
A horrid wind howled through the countryside.
The quaking ground revealed those who had died
and never had I seen a blood so red.
Compose yourself Centurion! See this sword?
It is for those who Caesar so blaspheme.
Do you declare this Jesus as your Lord?
Reject for him your emperor adored?
Are you believing too this Jewish dream?
I am the man who pierced the Son of God!
Commander, what is this that we have done?
Ten thousand strokes deserve we with a rod.
He was the only one in goodness shod.
If for this I must die-let it be done.
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http://www.dictionary.com/browse/ascertain
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,815 Reviews
Thanks for the feedback. Good to know you found it spiritually up-building. I wrote the poem because since I was baptized I have always had his Ransom Sacrifice for our sins on my mind. Also, I chose to use the soldier who pierced him because he was witness to all that occurred during the crucification, such as the earthquake, and darkening of the sky. He could have also heard Jesus say %u201CIt is finished!%u201D and all the other things Jesus said which could have gradually convinced him that this he was not just a common man.
About Jesus referring to his father as God. Please note that Jesus himself called his Father his God on numerous occasions and his listeners never found it unusual. Here are some examples:
Yes that is true. But these examples He is talking and teaching about God to his people. When he is dieing on the cross he is talking to God himself, as his son, not talking about Him to another. There isn't anything wrong about having Jesus calling him God in your poem, I just thought if you changed it to Father it would be more biblically accurate. It just sounded weird to me because I've always know and heard Jesus refer to God as Father before his death on the cross.
I do appreciate your feedback and suggestions. Jesus did refer to God constantly as his Father.
Hi Radrook! It's MJ again, stopping by for a review or two today
Thank you for your feedback from my last review; I'll try to commentate less on style this time. If I could bother you with one more question, that would be extremely helpful: What are some of the things that you look for in a review? What sorts of things would you like feedback on?
I don't really like the verb 'ascertain' here. For me, at least, the word "ascertain" seems to entail gathering facts to reach a scientific conclusion, and although that might not be what the word officially means, I would use a verb like "ensure" or "confirm".This was an incredibly powerful poem, and I thought the specific angle you took as for your main subject was very clever and original. I have seen poems similar to this, but from the perspective of Pilate or Judas or one of the people who chanted "Crucify Him!" I think it was a brilliant move to have it from the perspective of a man who actually wounded Jesus himself, so well done on that.
Now for a few nitpicks, mostly just my personal stylistic preferrence that you can take into consideration. Even with literary works like novels and short stories, I like to point out things that I personally think would make it better, so it's something to take into consideration.
I know that usually with poems the general guideline is to avoid commenting on punctuation, but for me it seems like this would be read "Forgive them, God, they know not what they do". As a side note, in many accounts Jesus' exact words were "Forgive them, Father, they know not what they do", but it's up to you how you want to phrase that.
I think this poem did a great job of conveying the great guilt that a Roman guard felt for crucifying the Lord. As my one main suggestion, I would propose possibly adding a paragraph that shows another emotion of the guard's. When I try to imagine what it would feel like as a guard who crucified Jesus, I usually picture myself feeling a sense of awe, almost, something like "I've done this a thousand times, so why did this one bother me?" That questioning could give the reader another angle into the guard's personality and show the reader just how special this crucifixion was if it could wrench a hardened guard's heart.
Hopefully this review was helpful as always, and any and all feedback on my reviews is always welcome! Thank you so much for your helpful advice from last review, and I hope that this review was more helpful than last one, and if you need any clarification, I would be glad to provide that for you.
Best wishes,
MJ
Thanks for the review. You offer many helpful suggestions. I will go back to the poem and try to apply your advice.