He is a doctor but he wields a drill.
I’m not convinced he doesn’t mean me harm.
His gaze is of a man who likes to kill.
-
His slow approach induces spinal chills.
I struggle not to show that I’m alarmed.
He is a doctor but he wields a drill.
-
A crow is perched upon his window sill.
He has a tattoo of it on his arm.
His gaze is of a man who likes to kill.
-
He deeply savors a sadistic thrill.
Whenever someone screams in pain he’s charmed.
He is a doctor but he wields a drill.
-
It takes me almost superhuman will
not to recoil from his unearthly calm.
His gaze is of a man who likes to kill.
-
He broadly smiles as terror he instills,
extracting healthy molars without qualms.
He is a doctor but he wields a drill.
His gaze is of a man who likes to kill.
--
Qualms
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Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,805 Reviews
Salutations Radrook, Lives4Christ24 is here for another review. I hope I don't offend with my reviews, my only intent is to weigh other writers and to encourage them by offering constructive criticism.
I don't usually like creepy poe!s, but I like this one. It reminds of Frankenstein, I'm not really sure why. You don't have any grammatical errors and your poem has a good flow. I like how you used the word qualms. It shows that th writer is well read and educated. I really liked it and look forward to your next poem.
Thanks for the review. I usually try to stay away from the creepy as well. But my experiences with dentists have been horrendous and have moved me to write several poems about it. Maybe it it's my way of warning people about the possibility that a dentist is not necessarily a benign individual and that extreme caution is advised in choosing a dentist or in allowing a dentist to do whatever he wants because we trust him. That trust cost me two teeth and two others damaged by them.
I Love the concept. But I don't like how many times you say he wields a drill. XDD I think i know what his weapon of choice is.
Just messin'
"Giving sudden root canals, without permisshawn!..." -- wait, that wasn't in there!
I would have enjoyed a bit more variety of lines to bring the sadistic dentist more vibrantly of a shaped character. He wasn't quite twisted enough in imagery for me
Thanks for the review. You wanted more gore eh? OK! I have one that parodies the Raven poem a little and is about a maniacal dentist and that one does get deeper into the gore. LOL!
BTW Please note that the Villanelle is restricted to just nineteen lines and the repetition is characteristic of the Villanelle. In other words, once I had chosen the first and third line of the first tercet, or first stanza, then the Villanelle genre demands that I repeat them in that order. So I was not free to add any more lines or arrange it in any manner I chose.
But yes, I do appreciate that for some readers it doesn't include enough of an explicit horrifying description.
Well I figured that was why there was so much repetition. No reason you can't tweak the rules of the villanelle a tiny bit though
True, I have heard that it has been done before. Actuality these are my first villanelles since I once used to avoid them because I did not want to use repetition that is required. But recently I decided to give it a try. So now I have approx six. I just want to make sure that I have enough experience with the traditional villanelle form before taking liberties. Thanks for the suggestion.
Wow. I love this. I guess I'm just one for creepy poems XD.
I like to start reviews with positive notes so lets start there.
"He deeply savors a sadistic thrill.
Whenever someone screams in pain he’s charmed.
He is a doctor but he wields a drill."
I love this verse because it almost gave me literal chills. I loved the way that you used negative adjectives to show the fear that a patient might have at the dentist. A word like "sadistic" is very powerful and bravo you for choosing it. I think it flows with the poem perfectly and shows that you really do hate the dentist.
It might just be me, though, but I'm nor sure I like the repeating lines you'd used at the end of every stanza. I feel like it kind of took away from the flow of the poem, but you somehow made it work in a weird way.
Although, I do feel like if you didn't add those few lines then I would be completely lost on the topic or scenario of the poem. XD
Great job overall! I'm a fan.
Thanks for the review. Please note that the Villanelle demands that kind of repetition. So it isn't something that I was doing because of choice. I had to do it because if I didn't then it would not be a villanelle.
The repeating of the ill words somehow makes the story more tense and sinister. I like how it is easy to read and the worlds flow throughout the poem. The poem brought out feelings of fear to the doctor in me. I would not trust that character because of that evil felling about him. It is smart how if you read it he seems to be just a normal dentist but he is scary from the person telling the story’s perspective. Great story.
Thanks for the review. Much appreciate the positive comments. The poem is based on many hair-raising experiences I have had with dentists.