16+ Violence

“Happy New Year!” she shouts

Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.

“Happy New Year!” she shouts but remains totally unchanged.

The cruel sneer still etches her deranged, wizened face.

The proud predatory stare is still intact as she

whiplashes with her tongue with a steady stream of

insults through her red-lipsticked lips.

-

“Happy New Year!” she said along with everyone else

but continues:

Mangling, strangling, gauging,

tearing, stabbing and

bludgeoning whatever stupidly stands in her

malevolent way.

-

“Happy New Year!” she shouts

eagle eyes gazing about intently for a new victim,

seeking flesh in which to sink her honed talons,

tentative tendrils probing with feigned friendships,

lowering gullible guards with promises of love.

“Happy New Year!” she said while wanting us all dead.

Comments & reviews · 4
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User avatar
Wordzyy
Review
Wordzyy wrote a review · Wed May 30, 2018 4:28 pm

Wow! Such an imagery you have. The title of the poem attracted me at first place.
The vocabs were strong, it divulged the cruelty of that lady.

This is a unique poem I have ever read. But, of course have seen people like her. Hats-off to you that it inspired you to write a poem. People should learn from you, have got that knack in bringing fruit out of anything that haunts you.

The portrayal of that lady in these following lines were of scary:

"The cruel sneer still etches her deranged, wizened face.

The proud predatory stare is still intact as she

whiplashes with her tongue with a steady stream of

insults through her red-lipsticked lips."

This is one scary women! The poem was perfectly in sarcastic tone. I loved it.

These lines:

"tentative tendrils probing with feigned friendships,

lowering gullible guards with promises of love.

“Happy New Year!” she said while wanting us all dead.:"


You've great imagination. the way you ended with an ironic touch was remarkable.

I got the the feeling of betrayal that reflects in these words:

"...but continues:

Mangling, strangling, gauging,

tearing, stabbing and

bludgeoning whatever stupidly stands in her

malevolent way."


There are people giving fake wishes for us. The lady's character exactly described their's.

Especially these were great:

"...eagle eyes gazing about intently for a new victim,

seeking flesh in which to sink her honed talons,"

That selfish act and the betrayal were well expressed here. I got the total pic in my head.

P.S: I read the review below following was your comment. I am sorry, that your head was busted open in trusting a fake friend.

I feel like punching him/her.

Thanks for sharing this poem. You've got great potential.

Thanks for the review and encouraging words. Yep! Too much trust in that fellow's displays of false friendship were very costly. I guess such deceit comes natural to some folks. Maybe it makes them feel smarter? I have me some who behave as if the deception proves them to be intellectually superior and the ones being deceived as dumb.

Yes, I totally agree with your point.One needs to be aware then. I sometimes think, maybe we should judge. But this damn heart never.LOL.

User avatar
DeerInBacPac
Review

Hello, E.E here for a possibly quick review and maybe some utter nonsense! Grim is here as well, drinking hot cocoa and being a slacker. *Grim looks over, glaring* So, lets get started. :smt020

So, the first thing I notice with this poem is that, well, nothing! It flowed well and I notice no grammar mistakes or anything of the sort. I loved the poem and my favorite line would have to be “Happy New Year!” she said while wanting us all dead." It was surorsing to me, how this was the way you ended the poem.

Well, I mean, the meaning is rather obvious.

Overall, I liked the poem and keep up the good work! So, happy Valentines Day and MLK day! I really need to go now Grim has souls to reap and he needs more cocoa. He has a problem, seriously. Cheerio and fruit loops to you!

Thanks for the review. Much appreciated.

BTW
What does surorsing mean?

I DIDNT NOTICE i meant surprising, belive it or not

Thanks. I was just wondering. Thought it might be some idiom I am unfamiliar with.

User avatar
Capa002
Review
Capa002 wrote a review · Sat Jan 06, 2018 8:15 pm

Hey,
I'm no expert, so do excuse me if some things I say make no sense.
So I really liked this, when I first read the title and your description, I thought the poem was going to be about a lonely girl or someone suffering in a way. So I was kind of itching for that, and I did find a little sympathy for her, although she is a villain. But I think a lot of people can relate to "remains totally unchanged". (This review I going to be all over the place, sorry :)). I think I saw her as a victim and villain at the same time because of her "red lipsticked lips" I sort of related that to masking her reality, that she's trying to paint on this nice and enticing image to get rid of her loneliness? Also, I just thought changing "lipsticked lips" would flow easier if you changed it to "red stained lips"?
Was your intent to just create hatred for her? If it wasn't maybe you could add more allusions to her feeling as though she's sad or feeling entrapped?
And if you did just intend to portray her as a completely hateful character (in my opinion less interesting to explore) maybe you could add nor backstory? Like what are her motives?
I liked this, it's just a little confusing though.
I hope this helped! :)

Thanks for the review. The poem is about hypocrisy. You know, people who are in the habit of saying one thing while meaning the opposite or something else. About false smiles and compliments.About false declarations of loyalty and loves when the opposite is being felt. A good example of this behavior is the way that a spy must behave among those being spied upon. He must prove top be their friend while all the time trying to bring them down or else steals from them. I have encountered tis type of behavior very often in my life and it cost me three stitches on my head and many other serious inconveniences. So that is what the lady represents. Of course a fellow spy would not find her hateful. A fellow spy would find her convincing abilities admirable. In fact, she would garner accolades from her government for having deceived those she was assigned to deceive. But generally speaking a person who becomes notorious for that kind of display is avoided like the plague. yes, I too found the expression:"red lipsticked" a bit clunky. The expression :"red-stained" connotes blood and that would raise questions as to who attacked her. But I will see if I can find a smoother phrase.

Oh, I'm sorry you had to go through that. Yeah your explanation does make more sense now %uD83D%uDE02 thanks :)

Yep. Getting my head busted open by a fellow whom I thought my best friend wasn't fun. Please note that the poem doesn't constitute an explanation. It offers a scenario and expects the reader to derive meaning from it. I offered an explanation when you said that you couldn't derive any. In short, many poems only hint at truths by offering clues. Some make the clues very vague and it is difficult to derive meaning. Other poems are more straightforward. I personally derive more pleasure from a poem hat I can figure out than in trying to struggle for hours over a verbal puzzle that was purposefully made vague to the point of almost being totally incomprehensible. So I strive to keep my imagery simple and to the point.

User avatar
kingoctavian Review

I am confused by this. There isn't really any insight into what is supposed to be happening in my opinion. I tried to find the meaning in what I was reading a few times but to no avail. In all honesty I think you had strong meaning behind it in your head so when you finished it you related to it really well in a very specific way. Poetry should be able to relate to a large people. I think that is what the poem is currently laking

Thanks for the review.



When all think alike, no one is thinking very much.
— Walter Lippmann