Now only I!

Edited Version


Now only I

-

Of all the countless millions that darkened our emerald-clouded sky,

Of all the burgeoning flocks which morphed daylight into night,

only I wing the ether in wounded fear amidst the deep silence,

above an invaded world once resonating with the vibrant sounds of life.

-

Now only I

-

No other majestic gargantuan wings dare persist any longer.

No other obsidian beak caws defiantly at the star-filled nights.

No other sabered diamantine claws hover above radioactive mists

defiantly sweeping majestic arcs of impending predation.

Of all who fled in droves as they hunted us down:

-

Now only I!


Only I aspire to reach the distant granite cliffs where I can rest

before I reach the forest beyond with its foliage-hidden limestone grottoes

My wing tips are singed by the molten lava below

The pain threatens unconsciousness but I must prevail

A strong updraft sends me soaring towards the cliff side caverns

Bleached bones scattered on ledges

bloodied egg shells strewn helter skelter

No longer do our fledglings strive against the cold northern gusts.
No longer do the nights resound with the multitude of caws

that proclaimed us masters of our world.


A sharp pain.

Agony!

My wing founders, and bone breaks feathered skin

I am spiraling downward towards a cavern

Then, there, in the dusk I see it

The biped grinning in triumph

Weapon raised!

Only I hear its triumphant shout.

“Last of its kind! Kill it!”


Only I!

Hello Radrook! My name's Scarlett and I'll be reviewing your poem this Review Day. ^^

So, first off, I rather enjoyed reading this. It's quite descriptive imagery, but unfortunately, you've got a lot of it and it makes the lines a but of a mouthful to read. I'm not suggesting you change anything, just maybe break it up a little?

I like the repeating line of "Now only I". It's pretty cool. ^^

There's quite a few lines I like, but I don't want to list them all here. Overall, this is a pretty neat little poem and I'd definitely like to see more of your poetry in the future. Keep it up and never stop writing!

~Scarlett.

Hey there!

Your poem is good. You have a good sense of words. And I am really weak at it!

But there are some things unclear in your poem. Like the first line or the second last line. I couldn't understand what you meant by "Now Only I".

Otherwise, I enjoyed your poem. I have another suggestion. You can shorten your lines and broaden the poem. That looks different. Or you can write a long line then a short line and again a long line then short line so on...

That's all I think. I hope I wasn't rude.

You are a good writer. Keep it up!

Your knowledge of the English language is astounding -- you've pulled from the dictionary a wide variety of powerful and touching words that not many people would be able to use in their poetry. For that alone, you deserve to be commended.

I'm not so sure this poem really paints a clear picture for me, though. "Countless millions"? Millions of what? Burgeoning flocks? Flocks of what? How is the world invaded, invaded by what? The first three lines are much better at really giving me an image.

You could also play around with form a bit more. I feel like breaking some of the last lines into shorter stanzas would really help convey the feelings behind being the last of an extinct species...though unless you're sentient to the level of humans, you wouldn't know that your species is extinct in the first place. Did you have a specific species in mind when you wrote this poem?

You know more than enough words to convey any sort of feeling or scenario in the world...now you just have to put them on the page to really make this poem come to life.

- SunsetTree

I love how the subject of the poem is not completely straightforward. However, it can be unclear as to what the "Now only I" segments are referencing. The grammar and word choices are very well put together though. All in all, this is a very good poem!