Young Writers Society

I... JUST WHOA... I thought this would be like something
like I walked through something so dark and than I said let there be light or something like that.
not that wouldn't make it bad.
I LOVED THIS. I FEEL AS THOUGH THESE WORDS IN THIS POEM ARE VERY STRONG AND CAN STICK WITH YOU ALL DAY LONG IF YOU LET. I know that for certain that some of it is.
I bet could I just read this everyday. and still not get down all the words . because it so descriptive and so well worded. that will take me a long time to memorize it. which is a good thing. cause that means there is so much to say. and with it being a short poem. it really works well. PLEASE NEVER STOP WRITING STUFF LIKE THIS. THIS KIND OF WORK NEEDS TO BE SEEN AND HEARD ALL THE WORLD. PLEASE PLEASE DON'T STOP.
I know for one thing that. I will remember this much of it
-------

thunderous applause reverberate throughout the spirit realm

as the once-inexistent infinitesimal expands,

swirls and coalesces into stars and then galaxies

through unimaginable eons experienced as mere moments

and gazed upon by wonder-struck, angelic eyes.

-----
it strikes me and stays with me. its like you are seeing the world around you and lighting it up with these beautiful. which is why I will start trying to memorize
ALL IN ALL REALLY REALLY GREAT WORK. I LOVE VERY MUCH.

THANKS SO MUCH FOR THE VERY BEAUTIFUL WORK

I... JUST WHOA... I thought this would be like something
like I walked through something so dark and than I said let there be light or something like that.
not that wouldn't make it bad.
I LOVED THIS. I FEEL AS THOUGH THESE WORDS IN THIS POEM ARE VERY STRONG AND CAN STICK WITH YOU ALL DAY LONG IF YOU LET. I know that for certain that some of it is.
I bet could I just read this everyday. and still not get down all the words . because it so descriptive and so well worded. that will take me a long time to memorize it. which is a good thing. cause that means there is so much to say. and with it being a short poem. it really works well. PLEASE NEVER STOP WRITING STUFF LIKE THIS. THIS KIND OF WORK NEEDS TO BE SEEN AND HEARD ALL THE WORLD. PLEASE PLEASE DON'T STOP.
I know for one thing that. I will remember this much of it
-------

thunderous applause reverberate throughout the spirit realm

as the once-inexistent infinitesimal expands,

swirls and coalesces into stars and then galaxies

through unimaginable eons experienced as mere moments

and gazed upon by wonder-struck, angelic eyes.

-----
it strikes me and stays with me. its like you are seeing the world around you and lighting it up with these beautiful. which is why I will start trying to memorize
ALL IN ALL REALLY REALLY GREAT WORK. I LOVE VERY MUCH.

THANKS SO MUCH FOR THE VERY BEAUTIFUL WORK

Hey! This popped up on my recommended list, and so I thought I'd check it out, especially since I've had a special experience with the line "Let there be light" in the Bible. I think it does a great job of conveying the event in all its majesty and mystery, but I do have just a few critiques.

First off, your use of "infinitesimal." Unless you're referring to the math term, which means an indefinitely small quantity, the word needs a noun after it. Otherwise you just have an adjective and a verb, both with no noun.

A few nitpicks: reverberate should be reverberates, I would prefer if realm had a comma after it, I would prefer if "swirls and coalesces" was preceded by an "as if" on the same line. Really, just a bunch of personal preference things that in my opinion would make the poem flow a bit better.

One more critique: the last two lines felt disjointed from the lines preceding them. The transition into them just wasn't as smooth as it could be, and it threw me off a bit.

Overall, great job, and keep writing!

I love this!

As a former Christian, it was very easy to recognize what this poem is about. I'm not too close-minded to recognize that the wording and imagery in this poem is exceptional. It was a little short which is good for those who have a short attention span but not for reviewers. I would suggest slightly longer pieces. other than that, I liked it. I've noticed a lot of your posts and I was wondering if this is your set style of writing or do you have other ideas?
I'm interested to know

A small suggestion:

Then, as if on cue,

thunderous applause reverberates throughout the spirit realm

as the once inexistent infinitesimal expands,

swirls and coalesces into stars and then galaxies

through unimaginable eons experienced as mere moments

Hey, I'm here to review your work and just give you a piece of my mind about it. Though your poem is a short one, it's good from start to finish. And honestly, I can't really give you much advice on what you could do better for this piece. You did a great job with the use of your words. I'd like to see more of your work. Keep it up.