Sweet Jesus, walk the Earth and hold my hand,
and lead me to that wondrous promised land
where suffering and death are just not so,
and where your Father’s wishes thrive and glow.
-
Kind Jesus, come and lead me to the hill,
where all that precious blood you gladly spilled,
and show me paradise there now resides
and that the blind can see with gleaming eyes.
-
Strong Jesus, cleanse the Earth of all its sins,
and let me help you! Show me! Please begin!
and I will prove that I don’t scatter but
am among the gatherers you sought.
-
Wise Jesus, always guide me in the way,
and better still, please show me how to stay,
and never deviate from paths of light.
Please plant inside my heart the dread of night.
-
And when these things are done my Jesus please,
Teach me how to pray on bended knees.
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A lovely tribute to the power of prayer, and the desire to turn to Jesus when times are tough. It reminded me of the poem "now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep"... it had a nice consistent rhythm and rhyme scheme, and I can imagine teaching a child to recite this.
For the most part I very much enjoyed your word choice and phrasing, a few places I paused at though.
This line: "and where your Father’s wishes throb and glow" -- "throb" is a bit of an awkward verb, perhaps "grow" or "build", and even "glow" I think is a bit of a stretch for the context.
Then in this line: "and let me help you! Show me! Please begin!" it read a bit aggresively, which isn't something I'd normally associate with prayer, and seemed a bit out of place for the rest of the tone of the piece. I'm not sure if it was the exclamation points, or the commands themselves that made the impression so commanding, but that might be another place to take a second look to see if it's the impression you're going for.
Other than that, I had no qualms with the piece. I appreciated that you took the time to make the formatting/capitalization/punctuation all consistent, so the piece looks and reads cleanly. And your ending couplet is really a nice ending to the piece.
I hope you continue writing many more religiously themed works Radrook, I might not always comment, but I do enjoy them!
~alliyah
Thanks. Much appreciate the review.
AnimalQueen here!
This poem you wrote makes me think, and anything that makes me think is good by my standards. I like that you talked about Heaven, because there really is a lot of suffering in our world.
All of us here on Earth are sad and confused and broken. We all need Jesus, no matter how much we pretend that we don't. That's why I liked your poem. It touched me. Keep writing, and keep loving Jesus!
AnimalQueen out!
Thanks for the review and encouragement. Good to know that you found the poem spiritually up-building.
Hey there, Radrook !!
This is Eros here with a review for this wonderful poem of yours !
The prayer that you have made is very deep. I liked how you wish that earth should become free from all the sins.
I like the selfless wish of the stanza,
I loved this prayer very much. I especially like the way you have used the adjectives for Jesus in the beginning of every stanza, sweet, kind, strong, wise. It added more faith of you in Jesus
Christ... I loved the flow of the poem. It is very smooth and the stanzas are linked to each other via Fine threads of ideas and thoughts.
The prayer made me feel calm and made me connect to Him, for a few minutes... Until I finished reading this...
Over all it was a great piece of poetry and it was awesome.
Loved it from my heart.
Keep up the great work !!
Keep writing such awesome poetries and other stuff and we would love to keep reading and keep reviewing them !
Have a great day / night !
~Eros.
Thanks for the review and encouraging words. May God bless and be with you always!