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I won’t ask anymore.

by Radrook


“How many more things must I suffer

before my termination’s complete?"

I asked my moronical chauffeur,

as I sat back relaxed in my seat.

-

That’s when he pulled back on the lever

and I was propelled out the door.

And now I no longer feel clever

I’m just lying flat on the floor.

My backbone is completely severed

I think I won’t ask anymore.


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Sun May 27, 2018 3:44 pm
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KatjaDawn wrote a review...



Hey Radrook! I hope my review can be helpful, should you find any of my suggestions or comments unhelpful, please feel free to disregard them!

My Interpretation:

So, I understood your poem to be about someone who is implied to be well off, seeing as they had a chauffeur, complaining to them about all the things that they "must suffer". In turn, the chauffeur who must be sick and tired of hearing these complaints propels them out of the vehicle and the narrator's backbone is quite literally and possibly figuratively severed. Serves them right for complaining and calling their chauffeur moronical! Haha.

My Opinion:

I love it! It was honestly both meaningful and funny. Complaining gets you nowhere, especially when you are (as this person is implied to not have any reason to complain)well-off and bring rude to begin with. I definitely didn't expect that to happen to the narrator though. Loved it!

What I liked:

How many more things must I suffer --- as I sat back relaxed in my seat.


I like that the first and last lines in the first stanza contrast the narrator's complaint to his/her current situation. They complain about all the things they must "suffer" and yet are seated and "relaxed".

I also like that the ending literally has the narrator saying:

I think I won’t ask anymore.


I think the narrator learned his/her lesson what with having their backbone severed! Lol.

My only suggestion is that perhaps you could add a few more lines to the poem to tell us just a wee bit more, but overall, it's easy for the reader to form their own interpretation and fill in the blanks with a piece like this. For example, I assumed this person was well-off and had no right to complain. Others may view the chauffeur as in the wrong. So... Purely up to you because either way I enjoyed the poem quite a bit.

Your work never leaves me disappointed, that's for sure!I look forward to reading more of your work soon.

Keep writing,

-Katja




Radrook says...


Thanks for the review and the helpful suggestions. Also for the encouragement. True, the poem does lend itself to the various interpretations. Good to know you enjoyed the read. :)



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Tue May 22, 2018 12:00 pm
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wh1plash says...



Short and direct! Loved it! But personally what it really needs are more details such as the setting and a little bit of color to the poem, it adds more detail and the more to the imagination. It's up to us to imagine, either way it's good and keep it up!




Radrook says...


Thanks for the review. Will see what I can do about more details. Thanks for the help.



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Mon May 21, 2018 8:02 pm
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RachMilty wrote a review...



Your poem took an unexpected turn! I love it! I think you may want to add setting details somewhere because when I imagined this person sitting, it was in a car; That made it a little weird when they were "propelled out the door." I also would suggest adding a word in your second line, because "before termination's complete" doesn't sound quite right. Something like "before my termination's compelte." your last line is so wonderful and funny. It's great.




Radrook says...


Thanks for the review. Glad you enjoyed the read. My first I considered was having the fellow ejected as they they do in jet fighters. Maybe I was a bit biased by my being propelled from a car at age four along with my mother as I sat on her lap. When my father made a sudden left turn the defective door on her right flew open and we were propelled by centrifugal force unto the cobblestoned pavement under the NYC elevated trains. But you are right, it fits better to have him ejected upward and then land. I will try to fix it as well as the other part you mentioned.



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Mon May 21, 2018 5:07 pm
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Sree says...



Those who complain ain't clever,nice work brought up smile and sense to us




Radrook says...


Thanks for the feedback. Much appreciated.




The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
— Groucho Marx