Bitter laughter, why do you arise?
Why are you making mirth within my pain
when there is only sadness in my eyes?
Why chortles when I reel under disdain?
-
Why chuckle at the lack of love’s caress?
Why offer smile and not the woeful weep?
Why mirth amidst the constant loneliness?
Why snicker when the agony digs deep?
-
Why are you easily at my behest
when I am cringing in a morbid fear
of gnawing sickness and when creeping death
extends its grasping hand and drawing near?
-
Bitter laughter, why do you persist,
while sorrow sets the daylight brightness dark?
When I'm enshrouded in this constant mist?
More pleasant would be growls, or weeps, or barks.
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139,468 Literary Works • 672,573 Reviews
Hey there! It's ZeldaIsShiek here to review another quintessential piece of literature that made my day and win this Review Day by helping the Red Pandas stay in first place and reaching my goal of 80 reviews. I might even get to 100, if I work hard enough. I am really excited to review this amazing piece of art that you have created, and maybe add some witty humor as well. Anyway, that's enough idle chatter from me. Let's get into the review.
I like the message this poem delivers to the reader. That is to say that I can relate with experiencing cold, cruel laughter in times of distress. When you should be crying or getting angry, you can only find it in you to laugh a cold, hard laugh. That is what makes this poem so special to me.
One thing that I enjoyed about the structure of the poem itself was how each stanza was its own sentence, unmolested by the following stanza. Most stanzas in poetry are a collection of phrases or clauses, while your stanzas were just one complete sentence each. That is truly an amazing form of poetry.
That's all for today. Keep writing amazing literature that inspires me to read and review them, and have a great Review Day! Let's beat the Blues once and for all!
~ZeldaIsShiek
Thanks for the review Zelda. Very much appreciated.
Lovely repetition of 'Why' at the beginning of the stanza's. Also lovely way you organise your stanza's into 4 lines each. In a pattern of A - B - B - A, to show your organisation overall throughout this poem. Which shows it overall great. Also, I agree with Corrupted arrow, there is no spelling mistakes I can see or any Misuse of comma's I can see.
Overall, I rate this a 8.3/10
Thanks for the review. Very much appreciated.
Hey Corrupted Arrow here with a review!
(The Comma Police is here! Anything I say here is just constructive criticism. If I offend you I apologize in advance.(I will try to be humorous.)
This is really good Radrook! I got that hint of mystery, that makes me as a reader in this context feel the story!(That's a good thing in my books.)
From what I can see you don't have any grammar and/or comma mistakes. Keep up the writing, have a good day.
Thanks for the review. Very much appreciated.