With calloused hands and aching limbs we worked,
through mocking laughter ringing in our ears,
with timber upon timber nails on wood
with bucketfuls of pitch neath cloudless skies.
our groaning grew through endless hours of toil.
Insulting epithets the heathen hurled.
Their croaking laughter weakened not our will.
Nail on wood and beam on heavy beam.
We built through demon sneer and heathen laugh.
Spite we drank while hammering the planks.
Pitch on endless pitch we mixed and carried
beneath the rainless sky on blistered backs.
-
Then the final touches to the ramp,
and frantic plunging of approaching hooves
The flapping flurry of the insect wings.
The far horizon dark with beastly shapes
from every distant corner of our world.
Scaled reptile, mammal, and the feathered birds
Male and female creatures screeched and roared.
The dampened Earth was clawed and hoofed and snouted,
trunked and tailed amidst the growing mist.
Then up into the waiting ark they surged.
Obediently they went as freezing rain
dampened our burned skin. “It has begun!
Shut the door! Within will be our shelter!
Our God will seal it tight O Japheth, Shem
and Ham. Into the Ark, all hurry, now!”
And then jars of heaven spilled their gall.
Careening droplets turned to pelting rocks
followed by the surging, roaring deep
that bellowed up to meet the finished Ark.
-
Then wailing of the wind brought savage shouts.
Inhuman voices beat against the door
as we all huddled closely round our lamps.
Frightened beasts went wild within their pens
as surging gusts outside hurled deadly hail
that whipped the pleading voices mercilessly.
“Do not you fear!” a voice “Be calm!” it said.
Panicked mastodons were quickly dazed
and clawing tigers quickly fell asleep.
We shut our fearful eyes and then, I prayed:
“Soiled Earth be blessed but let blasphemers perish!
Foul nephilim who strike at slightest whim . . .
Angelic fallen fathers cruel race,
who chose rebellion towards our gifting God
who from the boundless darkness brought us forth.
providing gladly of the life he’d known
and rightfully could keep unto himself.”
-
The I, Noah paused and slowly rose
and listened to the trembling dying screams,
the pulsing lightning and the echoing crash
of massive waves against the tilting ark.
-
and said:
“Think not that God in all of this delights.
Much more he takes delight that we be saved
than in destroying tainted worlds of sin.
whom I had warned through year on weary year.
But sneering lips that now in darkness drown
repeatedly had called me foolish clown,
pointing crooked fingers at clear skies,
sneering at the Ark to which they cling.
Now too late! Too late! The door is sealed."
I paused and listened and continued on:
"Behold the angered skies all do his will!
Observe the thunder of his mighty voice
Hear the pounding of his mighty heart!"
And burying his face into my palms
I knelt before my righteous mighty God.
.
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This was beautiful!
If not my favorite, this is, at least, one of my favorite works of yours. I love the descriptions of the animals, and Noah's urgent words, and the crazy night spent in the ark, and especially Noah's words at the ends. You had some assonance and small rhymes throughout this, which really gave it some color, as well. I just have a few suggestions for you concerning it all:
I'm not sure if this was a typo, or you were attempting to use slang, but I don't really care for that "neath". Changing it to "beneath" would flow better, and also provides some repetition with the "b" sound.
You use a lot of adjectives, and similar words in the first stanza to describe the mockers (mocking laughter, croaking laughter, demon laugh) which became rather tiring and trite. Maybe switching it up a bit, describing it in a new light would be more effective.
Is this supposed to be God speaking?
This ended beautifully with Noah kneeling before the Almighty God. I thought it was a great closing, symbolizing Noah's submission and worship.
Hope this helps!
~rosette
Thanks for the advice and encoraging words. Will fixe the spelling. bout the adjectives, I was reading a lot of Milton with is Paradise Lost, and other blank verse poems at the time and his adjective-rich style was influencing me a lot. I will see if I can somehow fix that part as well. Please remember, I must get in five iambic pentameter feet per each line. That is supposed to be God speaking to Noah. What is your opinion?
I'm not sure what to think. I like that He did speak, but then I don't because they should know they're safe in His care. I don't know. You can keep it, I just wasn't sure if that was Him or not.
Hi, I'm here to leave a review! I hope it's helpful!
Wow. This is probably one of my new favourite spiritual poems. I absolutely love the imagery and the sensory details. Noah's ark is also one of the best Bible stories, in my opinion. One thing I did notice that you could improve on is the lack of commas, making it flow less smoothly; you could try putting a comma in everywhere you would take a break if reading your work aloud. However, I understand that this could be a stylistic choice! All in all, I really enjoyed reading this and I'm excited to read more of your work!
Thanks for the review and the encouraging words. much appreciated. Here is a religious novel that I'm am posting on my blog. The other two chapters are also there. It is based on the fulfillment of bible prophecy that leads to Armageddon.
blog.php?u=56680&b=64740
Interesting! I'll definitely check it out!