Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Poetry » Other

E - Everyone

Just Ride Her!

by Radrook


Hold on to that Beluga whale.

A ride her Billy boy!

Never mind she’s sickly pale,

just try the ride enjoy.

-

When she dives deep, just hold your breath,

she’ll soon come up for air.

Don’t tremble fearfully at death,

just ride her debonair.

-

A debonair a ride I say,

broad-smiling towards the sky.

And if she dives too deep, just pray.

Don’t ever shout nor cry.

-

Just ride that fat Beluga whale

wherever she might swim.

Forget that she seems deathly pale,

just ride her as you grin,

until the daylight dims.

--

Addendum:

Poem's Meaning

https://www.youngwriterssociety.com/blog.php?u=566...


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
18 Reviews


Points: 14
Reviews: 18

Donate
Thu May 10, 2018 3:26 pm
Quinine wrote a review...



Nice poem!

This is pretty good, with a interesting and unusual situation. However, I suggest that you make the wording more colorful and interesting, to explore the full potential of this idea. The language seems a bit amueter-at least to me.
But maybe I just don't read these types of poems enough ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Hope this helps!




Radrook says...


Thanks for the feedback. First, please note that there is no such word as "amueter". Did you mean amateur?

Second, I don't believe that you got the idea of the poem.

Let me explain.

Please note that the category I placed it under is humor. So my first concern is did it make the reader chuckle. Since it obviously did not make you chuckle, I failed in your case. The language chosen was chosen to reflect a certain personality of the speaker. I wanted him to come accross as foolish or comical.

So if I changed the words, then the personality will be affected and might not coincide with the personality I intended to convey. If he sounds amateurish, that is his personality not mine. Please note that I would never encourage anyone to ride a literal Beluga Whale as it dives and hold onto it regardless of how deep it goes. So whoever is giving Billy that advice is either a fool or else wants Billy to get killed. But there is another choice. The chouice of concluding that the writer is speaking symbolically via imagery.

For example the sky, the darkness, the deathly paleness of the whale, the holding on, all these should indicate something far more than a mere literal experience and the reader is expected to delve into such words for a deeper meaning. Notice that darkness will arrive for the rider of the whale regardless of his struggles as the last line points out. That%u2019s because despite our struggles in life-we all wind up dead. Billy having his eyes fixed on the sky is his hope for life beyond death. The sky has been associated with heaven and heaven with God and God with promises of immortality.

Hope that helps.



User avatar
36 Reviews


Points: 506
Reviews: 36

Donate
Tue May 08, 2018 5:02 pm
fishsashimi wrote a review...



Hey there, OniiChan here!

This is a good poem overall, about someone encouraging another. One question: is this a metaphor for life? The second stanza made it sound a lot like that, and I think that’s pretty creative. I saw how you tried to insert a feel of an accent to the poem, but it just didn’t stick. Either way, you did a great job. Keep up the good work!

Keep on writing!




Radrook says...


Thanks for the review. I wasn't aiming at any particular accent for the poem. Just aiming for a tone of humor. What accent are you referring to? I chose the Beluga Whale because Moby Dick was a Beluga whale and there was a life or death struggle.

Moby Dick
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moby_Dick_(Rhine)




I sleep with reckless abandon!
— Link Neal