Blame it on the lady sir,
don’t blame it all on me.
I didn’t tell your lovely wife
the gator to go see,
and try to feed him past the sign:
“No feeding is allowed!”
and trudging through the mud and slime
until the beast she found,
and finding him full fast asleep
to tap him on his snout
until the reptile was awake
and feed him sauerkraut,
and then react as if alarmed
when he coughed and wheezed
and thrashed about as if was harmed
and vomited and sneezed.
Don’t blame me for what happened next.
I’m just a tourist guide,
and always try to do my best.
I’m sorry that she died.
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Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,804 Reviews
Hi Radrook!
I really liked this poem! Echoing flumadiddle's commentary - it did remind me a bit of a Shel Silverstein poem! I remember reading a bunch of them growing up and one of the things that I really enjoyed about them was that they told stories in humorous and entertaining ways, often utilizing rhyme and flow to make it have a very specific kind of feel to it. I think that that's something that you did here in this poem really well! I love that you tell a story via the tourist guide, and hint of exasperated sarcasm behind their delivery (even though they're sorry that she died).
This is honestly such a creative poem and I love the silly details of the wife feeding the gator sauerkraut (of all things to feed a gator)! It's a very tasteful use of randomness that results in it being very funny and entertaining!
I think what made this poem really shine was the hook - "Blame it on the lady sir," made me want to read more, and the more I read, the more I was caught up in the bizarre story.
One thing that did throw me off a bit were the lines:
Though the language used and the very clear imagery these longer words provide, they made these two lines have a few more syllables than my mind anticipated while I was reading. So it threw me off for a bit in terms of the flow of the poem. I don't know if you would be able to shorten them? I don't think this makes or breaks the poem by any means, but I think you might be able to cut down on the syllables to make it more smooth. Of course, don't just take my opinion on it. It might just be me who reads it this way!
Also, note on the punctuation/grammar/aesthetics - I think you do use the commas and periods pretty consistently, but there are a few times when you capitalize the beginning of a new sentence or stanza but don't do it for the others. I'd decide if you want to capitalize or not and make that uniform!
And hmm... well, that's about it from me! I really did love this poem a lot! Just a few touch ups and I could easily see this as a published poem! Great job, radrook!
-soundofmind
Thanks for the feedback. Will try to fix the parts that you pointed out.
Hello, E.E here for a possibly quick review and maybe some utter nonsense! Grim is here as well, drinking hot cocoa and being a slacker. *Grim looks over, glaring* So, lets get started.
So, the first thing I noticed when reading the poem is that a bunch of lines are missing commas. Now, by now Rad, you should know that you either have grammar or you don't! Oh... I hope that didn't soun rude! I am so sorry if it did! Stupid anxiety... MOVING ON! The lines that would need commas are "I didn’t tell your lovely wife", "and try to feed him past the sign", “and trudging through the mud and slime", "and finding him fully asleep", "to tap him on his snout", "until the reptile was awake", "and then react as if alarmed", "when the gator coughed and wheezed", "and thrashed about as if was harmed" and "I’m just a tourist guide". Besides that, the poem flowed well and I loved it, as the norm!
So, the meaning. Well, my guess is that this poem was just a silly poem! Which is wonderful! It seems like it would be a poem that might be in a book of Shel Silversteins!
Overall, I loved the poem and keep up the good work! So, happy Valentines Day ! I really need to go now, Grim has souls to reap and he needs more cocoa. He has a problem, seriously. Annnd I think he brought a dinosaur to life. Great. Anyways, Cheerio and fruit loops to you!
Thanks for the review and advice. Yes, it was meant as a humorous poem. Thanx for introducing me to the poet Shel Silversteins! I looked her or his poetry up and like it very much.
No problem! I grew up reading his poetry so he was the first to come to mind!
I found that he's the one who wrote A Boy Named A Sue sung by no other than the late great Johnny Cash.