Beautiful woman come back to to me.
Make me feel human with love tenderly
Assuage my sorrow. Appease my ire.
Please cool my blood that is feeling on fire.
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Beautiful woman, won’t you come back?
Show me some mercy. Please cut me some slack.
I’m but a shadow of whom I once was.
Beautiful woman come bless me with love.
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Beautiful woman, bestow your allure
and I’ll recover. My health will endure.
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Beautiful woman, come back to stay.
Never again try remain far away.
Nights are a nightmare without your charms.
Beautiful woman return to my arms.
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139,754 Literary Works • 672,699 Reviews
It is always thumbs up when there is the fact that your readers can relate to this persona. To be longing for love and finding it out of your reach is beautiful and yet tragic poetry. I like the fact that you use "beautiful" in repetition as it makes me feel as if you really do want this lady to be with you. Beautiful unlike its counterpart, pretty, is mainly used for exceptional cases and it's also a subtler form of attractiveness. Something that may be biased from me is that you use words that are more olden and formal like "ire" and "assuage". Many young writers today use the commonplace language of today but I would rather some good old formality every now and then.
I don't have a favorite line as all of it is quite interesting but there is a stanza that I prefer:
Beautiful woman, come back to stay.
Never again try remain far away.
Nights are a nightmare without your charms.
Beautiful woman return to my arms.
This stanza is amazing. I feel so tormented by the fact that he doesn't get his wish after pouring out such a powerful sense of sincerity and love. Keep up the amazing work and I hope to see more of your works in the future.
-Jevan
Thanks for the feedback. Very much appreciated.
I like how you made this beautiful poem with such a romantic theme to it. Something I found odd was your use of well-thought words and then you used the word slack. The word kind of lowers the mood and makes it seem less romantic, and I know how hard it is to find a word that rhymes and continues the mood. Also what form of poetry are you using, because the 3rd stanza is only two lines but the rest are 4. Again I do not know what form of poetry you are using so if you are using a guideline please correct me, and keep on the beautiful writing.
Thanks for the feedback. I will certainly give all your opinions very serious consideration. Thanks for the help in making the poem better.
Hi, this is Lady Astella with a review.
This is very deep, the man in the poem is waiting and longing for love but no one ever comes. This is a beautiful poem, that is very deep from the soul. I really like your writing, very sophisticated and old fashion. Keep on writing, you are amazing.
I love this poem, this is now my favorite poem of all time.
Very clean, precise, it looks like writing comes very naturally to you.
Keep up the good work.
Lady Astella out.
Thank you for the positive feedback and encouraging words. Much appreciated.