I saw the Christ the other day
his hands extended
and I walked fast the other way
my heart unmended.
I saw him clear the other night.
his eyes were pleading
and I erased him from my sight
though he was bleeding.
I spied him groveling for food
with sickened visage
and everyone who thought him good
refused him passage.
We heard him pounding on the doors
of our cathedral
and though with painful cries implored
our ears remained dull.
Throughout the sermon he lay there
his breathing labored
while we continued claiming care
about the Savior.
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,814 Reviews
Oh, this is an amazing poem for its sheer honesty. Almost all poems, songs and story’s about Jesus paint this sweet, sugary picture that is often a complete lie, acting there is nothing wrong with what his ‘children’ are doing.
As a girl who is running from him, scared to turn, this poem shook me. I didn’t like reading it. But I did. I made myself read it because I know it was true, I knew I had to.
This is just very good, and very true. I’m glad I’m not the only one who realized that the church is so full of lies.
Thanks for the feedback. My experience with organized religion haven't been to encouraging. I guess that's why I have been moved to write such things. Just recently out of curiosity I attempted to attend a meeting at a synagogue and they almost attacked me at the synagogue steps. Told me they didn't want my kind near them. I guess they meant gentiles? Anyway, not what I would classify as a nice reception of a someone who was merely taking an interest in their religion. Had similar experiences with Catholic, Quaker and JWs Pentecostals. Too many preach Christ but imitate Satan. Not all of them, of course. But a significant number do which makes church attendance very difficult for a sensitive person like me. To me that is as if they were rejecting Christ himself who told them to behave otherwise.
Yes, very true. My parents have always been radicals; my father came to Christ in his teens and just read the Bible for himself instead listening to the pastor. Every since then my family and the %u2018church%u2019 haven%u2019t got along. I%u2019ve always been taught that the church is corrupt, and now that I%u2019m older I realize it%u2019s true.
It's really sad. But it's also superbly written and communicated. A direct hit to the heart. Incredible how you still managed to rhyme!!
Thanks for the feedback my friend. Very much appreciated.
Haha, and you posted it on my Birthday! So cool! So succinctly stellar!
Happy birthday my friend.
May you live long and prosper!
Hi, I'm Joe.
Your poem is intrigued me immediately because of the narrator unexpectedly turning away from Christ. The second stanza describing how the narrator still ignores him, even as he's bleeding, cements that intrigue and made me decide to read until the end. Once I did, I was pleased to find you didn't try to sugarcoat the subject - you let the poem end on a low note, which hearkens to the reality of hypocrisy. Kudos.
I admire the rawness and openness of this poem. Rarely do you see people showing a darker side - especially of themselves - when writing spiritual literature. The commentary here is bold and clear.
In regards to formatting, the four-line stanzas work well and I even picked up the meter. I agree with all of your punctuation choices. I did notice one capitalization inconsistency. In the second line of the second stanza, you capitalize "He" but you don't capitalize it again throughout the poem. I would change that to lowercase, but you could alternatively capitalize all pronouns referring to Christ if you choose. I imagine this was probably a minor error though.
Overall, I'd say the power in this poem is its honesty. I always end with my favorite line, the one that'll stick with me, and I'd say it was "though he was bleeding." Blood is powerful when invoked correctly and in one line you pack in several layers of context and action.
Good work, and keep writing.
Joe
Thanks for the positive review. That capitalization is a mistake. Thanks for pointing it out. I will fix it.
Good NT quote. Lovely read, the Gospels, all four of 'em. Great to see someone write about religion on here. Glad I'm not the only one.
I like the topic, sure as day. Mentions the hypocrisy among even us devout followers of Christ. It resonates with me personally, knowing that I myself am vastly inadequate and imperfect, and though I claim to follow Christ, my own deeds are often poor, misguided and very selfish. Very nice and very real.
As for the poem itself, it seems alright to me. You tried to rhyme, and while it's slightly inconsistent, it's definitely a fair effort and it's good to see someone avoid free verse (after all, I dedicated an entire work to criticize free verse. I am the public enemy of free verse 'round here). There are hints of meter, and I appreciate that very much.
It's not perfect, of course. Rarely is any work truly perfect. But it's enjoyable, especially for me. I may be biased as a religious fellow, but so be it. I think it's fine work on your part, so there you go.
Merry Christmas, my friend.
Thanks for the review. I agree with your assessment of the poem.