“You just took fifty to the face
and only landed one.
Should I stop the fight now son?
Should I tell them we are done?"
“Stop it and I’ll kill ya!”
"You just took eighty to the head
and twenty to the gut.
Your jaw is almost broken,
left eye is almost shut."
"Stop it and I’ll waste ya.”
“A hundred to your head this time.
Your face looks like a sieve.
Should I tell the ref to terminate?
Should I go and stop it Steve?”
“Stop it and I’ll murdalize ya!”
“Fight is finally over.
The bastard knocked you out.
Fighting’s not your gig my boy.
Take another route!”
“Stop it and I’ll sue ya!”
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,816 Reviews
Hey!
This was a really amusing read! The whole thing flowed nicely and the voice of the boxer gave some good comedic punctuation to each stanza!
I'm not much good with poetry, so take my advice with a grain of salt!
The only thing that bothered me was the first stanza. The second to last line ("Should I stop the fight now son?") has the right number of syllables, but for some reason doesn't flow quite right. I think it might be improved by removing the word "now." You could also try removing "son" and it would still fit with your rhyming scheme. Play around with it a little more and see what you like, even if it doesn't match your rhythm numerically!
Overall, this was really enjoyable! Good luck with your writing!
Thanks for the feedback. The inspiration for this was the way that Vinnie Pazienzia kept telling the ref that he wanted to continue even though his face was a mask of blood. In the post-fight interview, Pazienzia told the interviewer:
"What is the ref so upset about? It's my face!" LOL!
nice.
Was inspired by how Vinnie Pazienzia kept arguing with the ref not to stop the fight. At the end the ref shouted!
"I don't want to see anymore of this! OK!"
Hey Corrupted Arrow here with a review!
(The Comma Police is here! Anything 1 say here is just constructive criticism. If I offend u I apologize in advance.(I will try 2 be humorous.)
There are no grammar mistakes that I can see. I find this funny, I'm not sure if others would or would not find this funny. But hey, reading minds is something I wish I could do (sometimes). Keep up with this and have a good day!
Thanks for the review. Yes, I find it funny too. In fact, every time I read the conclusion I can't help but chuckle. But funny as it is, it is based on how some boxers actually behave when their corned suggests that the fight be stopped because of the slaughter. Vinny Pazienzia is a good example of that attitude. The ref finally responded to his protests about stopping the fight due to his bloodied face with:
"I've seen enough and I don't want to see no more! OK!"
During the post-fight interview Pazienzia complained about the stoppage with:
"What's he worried about? It's my face!"
Haha!