That's a masterpiece, a Magnum Opus if I ever crossed one
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Twenty tentacled, gray-spottled epidermis,
crimson beaked, you proudly crossed the vastness
of space to die un-mourned among us.
Your befouled gifts trampled under human feet.
Your sonorous gratuitous grunts
of pristine promises savagely spurned.
Swiftly you were tagged tyrannical aberration
Demon from some distant hellish domain.
Had you been Adonis,
multitudes at your feet!
Had you been but human,
human scorn withheld.
Priestly tongues would not have lashed your benign
countenance with righteous vengeance or
proclaimed you anomaly to be shunned.
Your cries for mercy would not have been ignored.
Your wallowing in agonizing solitude with injured tentacles
whipping furiously about in grotesque gestures of peace
would have been respected.
Sillia here!
Happy review day!
I like to review as I read so if I correct myself at all during the post thats why But i wanted to get this out of the Green Room for ya Anyway on to the review!
Twenty tentacled, gray-spottled epidermis,
crimson beaked, you proudly crossed the vastness
Your befouled gifts trampled under human feet.
Your sonorous gratuitous grunts
of pristine promises savagely spurned.
Hey there Radrook! I don't review poetry a whole lot, but I'm aiming for blue star #1 , and the title of this piece totally grabbed my attention. I hope I can help at least a little!
Nitpicks:
1. The way the final stanza is split makes it difficult to piece the whole sentence together. Perhaps if you had split 'would have been respected' off onto another line, that would help people understand what parts of that sentence are the subject, the inserted clause, and the predicate.
2. I like the reference to Adonis! Nice throwback to the title, which as I said, was really what drew me into this piece to begin with. Plus I'm a sucker for references to Classical literature, so there's that too.
Overall Commentary:
1. I love the use of alliteration throughout the piece. At first I was sort of thrown off by all the huge words (I tend to think it's a little snotty), but then I read it aloud and was like 'oh this makes sense now!
2. In addition to point No. 1, your tendency to use alliteration only when referring to the beastliness of the subject really emphasizes those descriptions.
3. Just overall, I love the idea behind this poem. It's a really interesting take on how we humans would interact with an alien (or other being) making first contact. The language, on top of what you imply happens to this visitor, just increases the tragedy.
Thanks for such an enthralling read!
Happy review day!
-Buggie
Points: 1820
Reviews: 129
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