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Mars: acrostics

by Radrook


Moons that mimic asteroids

Amber dunes, dioxide clouds

Rock-strewn endless landscape

Silver icecaps for a crown

--

Meteor-mangled atmosphere

All volcanoes, silent, dead.

Radiation rakes the surface

Subterranean life in dread

--

Mutilated river valleys

Altered channels, dry as bone

Raging dust storms. It was folly!

Silence seeps, i am alone.


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61 Reviews


Points: 2313
Reviews: 61

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Thu Sep 20, 2018 12:50 pm
Anniepoo103 wrote a review...



This is super good. I love your structure and form. I think my favorite part was your alliteration of "meteor-mangled.
I also enjoy how you describe the planet as a person. I can clearly imagine what is going on in your mind.
There is only thing about your poem that I don't enjoy. In the third stanza, you said " Altered channels, dry as bone, raging dust storms. It was folly!"
Folly means silly/stupid/ or fleshly sin. If it is folly, what are you doing wrong? I am not sure if this is the word that you were meaning to use. I would either use a little more detail or change that word.
Maybe it is my blonde mind that can't process that. I'm not too sure.
I would keep writing more stuff like this. There isn't a lot of similar work on this website and I would love to see more.
Good day! Keep writing!

- Anne T




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223 Reviews


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Sun Jan 28, 2018 4:24 pm
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ZeldaIsSheik wrote a review...



Hey there! It's ZeldaIsShiek here to review another quintessential piece of literature that made my day and win this Review Day by helping the Red Pandas stay in first place and reaching my goal of 80 reviews. I might even get to 100, if I work hard enough. I am really excited to review this amazing piece of art that you have created, and maybe add some witty humor as well. Anyway, that's enough idle chatter from me. Let's get into the review.

I love how this entire poem is a detailed and incredibly vivid description of Mar's contour; its most beautiful, commonly known side. When you began describing the ice caps as a crown and the dunes as being amber in color, I thought that the poem would be a positive rendering of Mars and its appearance. Later I discovered that this also explains the darker aspects of Mars as well. A meteor-mangled atmosphere and a dead surface, expanding into nothingness is pretty dark, even if Mars is home to our Solar System's largest mountain, Olympus Mons. The last stanza really proved that this poem was a full description of Mars from an optimistic, realistic, and later pessimistic view of the red planet. I absolutely adore this description of Mars and I will definitely leave it with a like before I move on.

That's all for today. Keep writing amazing literature that inspires me to read and review them, and have a great Review Day! Let's beat the Blues once and for all!

~ZeldaIsShiek




Radrook says...


Thanks Zelda. I greatly appreciate your very insightful reviews.



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Mon Dec 04, 2017 11:47 pm
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zaminami wrote a review...



Hello Radrook! Kara here for a (hopefully) quick review!

Give me your soul.

With that aside, I'm not the best at poetry but here we go!

Bold = grammar and flow issues.
Italics = suggestions and overall
Strikethrough = remove
Underline = krazy Kara komments.

Spoiler! :
Moons that mimic asteroids

Amber dunes, dioxide clouds

Rock-strewn endless landscape{s}

Silver icecaps for a crown {clouds and crown doesn't rhyme}

--

Meteor-mangled atmosphere

All volcanoes, silent, dead.

Radiation rakes the surface

Subterranean life in dread

--

Mutilated river valleys

Altered channels, dry as bone

Raging dust storms. It was folly!

Silence seeps, i am alone.


My interpretation:



An acrostic about space :D

Overall:



a) I liked this. Definitely a lot better than Da Buck-Toothed Beaver (hahaha funny joke? no? I'll shut up now).

b) your science facts are right. great job on that.

c) there's a grammar issue in your title. it should be "Mars Acrostics" without the semicolon and acrostics capitalized.

great job!

Why haven’t you given me your soul yet? --

Kara

Image


This review courtesy of
Image




Radrook says...


Thanks for the review. Will remove the colon. The bucked toothed beaver poem was an attempt to write flawed poetry at another website. Actually, I recently wrote a short story called the Bucked Toothed Alien.



zaminami says...


oh goodness that sounds fun :P



Radrook says...


I tried to post it but the post didn't take for some reason.
But you can read it on this web-page.
https://poetrycircle.com/forum/threads/ ... ost-684220



User avatar
61 Reviews


Points: 2313
Reviews: 61

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Mon Dec 04, 2017 4:15 pm
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Anniepoo103 wrote a review...



This is super good. I love your structure and form. I think my favorite part was your alliteration of "meteor-mangled.
I also enjoy how you describe the planet as a person. I can clearly imagine what is going on in your mind.
There is only thing about your poem that I don't enjoy. In the third stanza, you said " Altered channels, dry as bone, raging dust storms. It was folly!"
Folly means silly/stupid/ or fleshly sin. If it is folly, what are you doing wrong? I am not sure if this is the word that you were meaning to use. I would either use a little more detail or change that word.
Maybe it is my blonde mind that can't process that. I'm not too sure.
I would keep writing more stuff like this. There isn't a lot of similar work on this website and I would love to see more.
Good day! Keep writing!

- Anne Throckmorton




Radrook says...


Thanks for the review.

Yes, I did mean folly. The reason I am alone is because of the folly of having gone there. As to how the speaker wound up alone and possibly living underground, I leave to the reader's imagination. But I can certainly see how the folly can be perceived as being causally connected to the previous statements as you describe.. Thanks for pointing that out. I will be more careful in avoiding such possible ambiguity next time.



Radrook says...


BTW

Another way that the reference to "folly" might be seen is to harmonize it with the Martian nuclear-war devastation idea. Some seriously claim to have found evidence that corroborates this hypothesis. So the planet's ruined condition can be viewed in that light. The statement of being alone can then be seen as the lamentation of a solitary survivor of that Martian holocaust.



Anniepoo103 says...


Hmm, thanks for the information




If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.
— Oscar Wilde