O child with the voice of an angel
singing of things not your own
with innocent tenderness bringing
conviction to sorrowful tones.
-
With face of cherubic convictions
with moral ambitions still chaste
Why negate child benedictions?
Why towards adulthood make haste?
-
Tomorrow is still far-horizoned
Its turmoil is still to be seen.
The things that will soon become poisoned
remain as of yet to be gleaned.
-
The envies, the hatreds, the treasons,
the lies and the doubts will arrive.
Stay innocent. There is no reason
to make them now part of your life.
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Off Rhyme
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,815 Reviews
Hey there! It's ZeldaIsShiek here to review another quintessential piece of literature that made my day and win this Review Day by helping the Red Pandas stay in first place and reaching my goal of 80 reviews. I might even get to 100, if I work hard enough. I am really excited to review this amazing piece of art that you have created, and maybe add some witty humor as well. Anyway, that's enough idle chatter from me. Let's get into the review.
I really loved how this poem highlighted innocence as a trait that defines you, rather than a physical trait that you have based on how you have lived your life up to that point. I like how this poem is about a child who is rushing through life in order to get to adulthood because they feel like they will be able to do whatever they want whenever they want. However, the adult world is never like this. It is the opposite of the child's fantasy adulthood, in which everyone can do whatever they please. It is a world where you have to work for everything you get, and there aren't older people who give you everything you need and want. You might not have everything you want now, but you'll have to obtain that and what you actually need to survive when you are an adult. Do not rush away your innocence, for you can never get it back once it is gone. I also liked how you said they were talking about something that was not their own, like a child pretending to have a romantic partner or wanting to talk about bills and sadness.
That's all for today. Keep writing amazing literature that inspires me to read and review them, and have a great Review Day! Let's beat the Blues once and for all!
~ZeldaIsShiek
Thanks Zelda, much appreciate your reviews.
No problem.
Woah. Berri here for a review.
First off, I want to say I love the way you worded this. It reminds me of classical poetry, which my literature class is studying. The rhyming was pretty clever, too!
Second, I really like that you chose this topic to talk about. I've seen videos of kids who listen to adult-rated rap songs, and knowing every word- and it's just not right, in my eyes. Kids should be kids; not adults. Not yet.
There is one thing that bugs me, and I think someone covered this already, but I could be wrong. The wording "There is no a reason..." just seems weird. You might want to try removing the "a" or making "no" into "not".
Well, I think that's it for me. Good job, and keep on writing!! (◍•ᴗ•◍)❤
Thanks for the review and encouragement. I will look into the things you mentioned to see if I can make the poem better.
This was a beautiful way of portraying the fact that kids shouldn’t lose their innocence too soon. I see too many kids attempting to grow up when they’re only six. Trust me kids, you’ll have plenty of time to grow up later.
Thanks for the feedback. It was inspired by the Romanian child singing star Cleopatra Stratan. They had her singing very adult themes and some people on the Internet began criticizing it. Thats when her father started to have her sing mostly Romanian Christmas carols.
Hey Radrook, figured I might as well get a review in while the tv show I'm trying to watch buffers...
The subject matter you've chosen here is definitely interesting. One of my favourite songs is called 'Be A Kid' by Twin Atlantic, about being desperate to go back to childhood when life wasn't so scary. I think it's really interesting when you look at children desperate to grow up, and then adults desperate to go back, because you have to wonder what could have been so secret about adulthood that it looked desperately appealing from the outside, but be absolutely horrible from within. So in terms of choosing something worthwhile to write about, I think you've made an excellent choice.
This might be a subjective thing, but I think you've focussed slightly to the side of one of the most compelling aspects of this dynamic: fear. I can hear sorrow in this voice, a longing for something precious that is gone. And in the final stanza, you do mention some of the things that are miserable about adult life. Not to mention your metre matches with a children's nursery rhyme, in a perfect, fitting way that isn't rugged around the edges like more adult free verse. All of this highlights how pure childhood is. But I think you want to go harder on what horrors await.
I think a fun way to do this could be to maybe end every line with an implication of some sort. Or maybe use references to scary things from children's literature. Maybe the big bad wolf or something like that. Or you could have a more panicked tone from the speaker, that would show how desperate they are, how crucial this plea is.
Just a couple more things, these being a couple of elements of your language, then flow.
You use the word "chaste", which underlines well a thematic issue that I'm not quite sure about. This poem is about "Innocence", but with the word "chaste" in it, I start to wonder what kind of innocence you mean. Do you mean like, the way that people see virgins as pure? And sex in some way being a loss of innocence? I think that's an unhealthy outlook on many aspects of adult life, so if you're able to clear that up for me that'd be good.
Just a couple of moments where I think the flow's off and how it's reading in my head:
Was that maybe meant to read "childish"? I think you're missing a syllable in there.
Random "a". I assume that's either meant to be "no reason" or "not a reason", unless you're being Scottish
Hope this helps,
Biscuits
Thanks for the review, Very much appreciated.
This is rather perfect and punctual! Is this something older, or did you write this recently? The world tells you get hard, get tough. The Father tells you, "Stay safe."
It was inspired by the Child singer Cleopatra Stratan. Her songs were too adult for her age. Her father finally had her singing Christmas carols.
BTW
I responded to all the other feedback but accidentally pressed the hide reply button.
How can you be too adult for your age? I've always wondered how that can even be measured. What a relativity I always think of it.
Can you unconceal those replies??
Please note that the following response to your question isn't based on my mere personal opinion. It is based on the three courses of psychology that I took, one of which included Child Psychology.
Please consider that the film industry has certain ratings for certain films which they tag as only fit for an adult audience. In other words, there are certain things which are considered wrong for children to see. Even here we have to classify what we right so that the reader or the parent who permits his child to read it knows that there is no offensive content. Such caution toward children is shown for a very good reason. They cannot process information with the same wisdom and sophistication that we can. Being relatively new on this earth, they depend on the adult world to tell them what is right and wrong.
So there is the danger that in their innocence they might reach the conclusion that the behavior being written about or portrayed is acceptable and incorporate it into their personalty. If a child is assigned to sing certain songs that express certain emotions of violence-for example, the child might just conclude that the behavior is OK. Or else feel that human life isn't as sacred as he or she is being told at church. If the child already has a hereditary propensity towards violence or sadism, that might be the trigger that completes the job and we have a serial killer, maniac, or just a common variety cruel person or psycho on our hands.
In short, a child is like a piece of clay, it can be much more easily molded via experience and such experience can convince hm to behave in a way that is non-typical from what we expect from a child.
About the hidden responses, I was hoping sonmeone could tell me. I put in a lot of effort in a response only to have it dissapear. Now if the person received it and sees it somehow, that is OK, But I prefer that it be visible.
Well, I suppose there is quite a bit of good will in doing that: making a distinction for them. Although when things are withheld from us our curiosity usually warps us and has repercussions anyway. But I suppose delaying that process wherever and whenever we can is a good thing. But i don't know that it ever works (at least in this generation with all the things on television wherever one looks). Because it is so common place what's on the airwaves now, I guess a lot of parents may not realize the importance of shielding their kids. Should kids not have internet of t.v. at all to protect? (perhaps that would have been wisest)
Although myself I have never even reflected on all the dangers. There were certain shows I was not allowed to watch as a very young one, but the internet was certainly a detriment to me in my teens. Once the notion really hit me that I could go anywhere and search anything. Anything a curious mind could wonder about the dark secrets adults seemed to be keeping
I was quite sheltered in all honesty (apart from curse words) but there are things spoken of between kids at public school and all sorts of spellbinding topics that naturally wheedle their way into you. I was probably ruined by 14, and as a parent I would be challenged to really think hard to prevent the same in my own offspring
Public school is such a free breeding ground for bad things, but yet kids need to have a place to learn how to build friendships, and engage themselves in interaction skills. My homeschooled brothers are living proof of that