Ape and human not the same.
Ape be wild and human tame.
Ape be short and human tall.
Ape be big and human small.
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Ape he amble, human walk.
Ape he grunt while human talk.
Ape keep knuckle mind on ground.
Human smarter pound for pound.
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Human ponder where he be.
Ape no care, he up a tree.
Human plan but ape, he yawn.
Human player ape be pawn.
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Ape no care about the past
ape just want a present task.
Human plan and human seek.
Ape he only want to sneak.
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Ape he growl to givum fear.
Human? He go hone a spear.
Ape he pound his mighty chest.
Human tellim, "Be my guest!"
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And spear go flying straight and true
through simian flesh just like a screw.
Ape and human not the same.
Ape be wild and human tame.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,805 Reviews
FantasyWriter76 here to review this poem, which I had originally wanted to do but had to do some reformulating, now to the review.
I loved the way this entire poem is formulated and executed. This whole poem sounds like it is from the ape's perspective on the human society and its people. I feel it is a deep message about how we should be more considerate of nature and the environment. Though I'm not one to talk, I'm not into environmental stuff.
The only thing I do not understand is the ending. Why would a human just randomly decide to kill an ape? It isn't explained so I just have to point it out because it's the only problem I could find XD.
Thanks for this great contribution to YWS. It was funny and deep at the same time. 4.5 Apes out of 5
Thanks for the feedback. Actually, evolutionists consider humans apes as well. So I am approaching this from an entirely biblical perspective which separates humans completely from all animals. Please note that it is the the ape who makes the first aggressive move by growing in order to instill fear. The human responds with technological superiority. What I really am hinting at is that humans are far from being tame, as our violent history clearly shows. So the poem is using verbal irony when it constantly refers to humans as tame.
http://examples.yourdictionary.com/exam ... irony.html
I thought this poem was quite funny, good job!
Thanks! Much apprecite the feedback. I wrote it approx seven years ago st time when humans were giving me a lot of trouble.
Hi, Radrook! Glad to see that you're writing again.
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This gave me very "Shel Silverstein"-like vibes. The humor, the rhymes, and the repetition. I don't have too much to say except there are several places where commas may be suggested (I see your purpose for not using them), and this.
Is "tellim" a typo? Just checking. Could be another style thing, too. Same goes with this:
[quote]"Ape he growl to givum fear." [/quote
Anyway, the grammar in this poem was just plain amusing in my opinion (in a good way). I enjoyed it except for the fact that your image link didn't work!
-Manilla out
Thanks for the review. Very much appreciated. No, they aren't typos. I write it that way to give the speaker sort of native accent. Will check the commas as you suggest. Thanks for the advice. I think you did mention that writer once. Thanks for reminding me. Will look at more of his poetry.
Hey Onii-Chan here!
Great poem! I love how normally people would have the poet be the person, but instead you chose to be the animal. It’s great how you showed how we are considered to be the intelligent ones, though we really aren’t in some cases, and how misunderstood these creatures are.
Grammar police time!!
Where you say “Human? He go hone a spear.”, I don’t really know what hone means, but that might be where you try to give a word a more slang-like feel. Just keep in mind that making it too complicated will confuse people. Other than that, this is fantastic!
Keep on writing!
Thanks for the review. Very much appreciated. Here is the definition of hone. Please note that it is not an uncommon word.
transitive verb
1 : to sharpen or smooth with a whetstone
https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/hone
hone (third-person singular simple present hones, present participle honing, simple past and past participle honed)
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To sharpen with a hone.
To use a hone to produce a precision bore.
To refine or master (a skill).
To make more acute, intense, or effective.
https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/hone