Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence and mature content.
His words seep into
my ungrateful ears,
deprived of my predicament.
His mouth knows that
he's driving me
to my insanity's core.
He laughs so to
watch my lips
frown so very quickly.
He moves closer to
my angered body,
ready to seductively pounce.
He breathes ragged breathes
as he pushes
my body onto his.
His eyes widen as
his rough lips
press upon my own.
Shaky hands slide across
my trembling body
as our sparks fly.
My eyes squeeze shut
as his tongue
snakes into my mouth.
My hands move slowly
up his back,
picking up more speed.
He breaks away from
my shaking body
with fear filled eyes.
For in my hands
had been a
knife of stainless steal.
His blood spilled from
his upper back
while I smiled widely.
Revenge seems to be
bittersweet to me;
as sweet as blood.
His body slumps against
the wall where
he attempted a crime.
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137,435 Literary Works • 672,020 Reviews
Hello, Journalist.
Your style is obviously maturing. I encourage you to keep experimenting with diverse forms of poetry to develop your own voice.
This poem called to mind a line from a play I recently attended. Silence by Moira Buffini is set near the year 1066 and features a cast of six characters that all go through journeys that develop their characters. The character that the story circulates around, Ymma, (pronounced Ea-maw) was exiled from her country by her brother, the king, and sent to England as punishment. At one point, Ymma states, "Rape is living through your own murder." I thought about this quote because the victim became the murderer here.
A note on formatting: I find a poem much easier to read if it is left aligned. I suppose that's personal preference, but-- well, a review is an opinion, after all.
I found that there wasn't a sense of desperation about it. I needed more of that sense. Have you ever been in a situation in which you are being sexually assaulted? You're not thinking about what is happening. You're thinking about how to stop what is happening to you. I'd make this more fragmented and confused. If you tell something in the way it is being thought about, it can communicate much more than the words do.
You make the transition from the assault to the murder very suddenly. And where did she get the knife? How did he not notice it?
I think that she would be more horrified than satisfied at revenge just after she's killed him. She would feel that way because
1) she would be shaken because she's either been raped or about to have been raped, and
2) she has just ended a human life because she had no other choice to get out of the situation.
That is horrifying.
Think about what the narrator is feeling at the moment in which you are writing the poem. It is a much more effective choice than to have a retrospective view of it, which you seem to have here.
This implies that there is chemistry between the two, when there is obviously not. Try rewording to avoid confusion.
I appreciate that you tackled such a serious topic. Many people may not want to see things like this, but if we don't write about the issue, how will it be brought to light and then solved? Thank you for writing this.
I hope this proves useful to you. Happy writing!
I appreciate the review! I will edit it when I get the chance (The iPad isn't my preferred choice for posting things because it changes formatting). Thank you(:
Alright, this is only my second review, so I am still getting a hang of it...sorry. I really like this, because, I didn't exspect the ending. I mean like awesome!! She defended herself, which was a good thing. I found it supizing since, I would have stabed him as soon as he came near me, insteed of waiting, so I though she was defencless....then BAM! She is killing him!! AWESOME!! I love the end...
Good job on this poem!!! 
Hello hopeless here to give a review to you! Here we go!
So first off... Why? This is not a happy or nice subject, but I would expect you to write something like this. I don't know if that's a good or bad thing but what ever it is I could do better XD. Over all I like the format and how it is worded. It has good grammar and punctuation. It's a great poem just not a very good subject.
Keep writing and stay beautiful!!
~hopeless03
Everything needs to be written about. Do not shy from subjects that make you uncomfortable. They make you uncomfortable for a reason, and you should discover why they make you feel that way.
I feel that way because of what me and my friends talk about a lot, it's not about what we did over the weekend it's about this stuff but eh idk
This poem worries me Secrete, but as always it's written greatly.
I apologize for worrying you.... .-.
S'okay.
First off, I can't say that I enjoyed the subject matter. Rape scenes are low on my list of favorite things to watch or read, so that turned me off a bit. But that's nothing against your writing.
Your poem is very classic in its feel and flow. It follows the 'story line' well, never deviating to some other, unattached subject. It's easy to follow along and understand what's going on, and I can sense the plight of the girl as this is happening to her.
Then you throw the interesting twist where,
"My hands move slowly
up his back,
picking up more speed.
He breaks away from
my shaking body
with fear filled eyes.
For in my hands
had been a
knife of stainless steal."
It almost seems like the girl is starting to enjoy it and playing along, but then the guy dies for his crime right there and then. If only this happened more often in life, rather than the death being the other way around.
All in all, it was an interesting poem covering a very dark subject. I won't read it again because of that, but only because of that, so good job.
Thank you SecreteJournalist!
Okay review time.
I just want to say your story was very structured and such.
Also very realistic just by reading I could already picture what that woman was going through in your tale.
And I love that twist when she killed him. Very dramatic and I loved that part.
I especially like all the details you put which makes it all the more real which is great in capturing the readers attention.
Your work speak volume of realism and I adore it!
Hope you continue writing more.
But not with all the same plot and such.
Good story continue writing!