Outside in the school yard,
my friend asked if I was okay.
I laughed at the question.
Replied that I'm fine.
Am I really fine?
On a walk that day,
my vision was really fuzzy.
Turns out it was tears.
I wasn't expecting them.
Am I really sad?
Chatting on the phone,
with a dear old friend,
he asked if I was depressed.
"Of course not!" I had said.
Am I really depressed?
Moonlight flitted through
my window that same night.
It pointed to my bloodied wrists,
blood so fresh and new.
Am I really okay?
In my rusty shed,
was a coil of rope.
It asked for a hug.
So I let it hug my neck.
Am I really doing this?
"I guess I am."
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139,491 Literary Works • 672,583 Reviews
I like how you illustrated the person as if they were in denial of their depression and suicidal thoughts. It was a nice play on words. Great whorl! I'd like to see more stuff like this!
Amazing as always Brie!
o.o I posted this in 2013... but thanks!
Lol, didn't see that! It was on the spotlight though.
o.o It was?
Yep XD
Yep XD
What to say?? tell me, please?
It's fantastic, it really is... like, your writings are like, anyone can relate with that, at one point or other. not everyone have the ability to write like that! you're awesome!
I am a fan of yours!!
we all ask ourselves, probably we do, that who are we? what are we doing? and, not all time we get an answer, not ever, sometimes...
it's sad but true, it's not even sad i guess... so realistic your work is, nothing to critique on, it's super!
i just wanna say, write more! you're a fabulous writer, perhaps you know that too!
I'm speechless.... honestly, this is amazing. It really spoke to me, and it holds so much truth and emotion that I can't even point out anything wrong.
, you're good at it.
'In my rusty shed,
was a coil of rope.
It asked for a hug.
So I let it hug my neck.
Am I really doing this?'
That line.... god, it seriously gave me goosebumps. Suicide is such a serious, horrible topic, and you've displayed it perfectly.
"I guess I am."
Perfect way to end this. Honestly, it says so much in so little. Perfect.
The rest of the poem was less dramatic, but great all the same. Nothing negative to say about this at all. Sorry, this wasn't much of a review, but I just had to say something to the author who created this...
Well, hope this helped!!! Keep writing
Thanks for the review c:
Hey Secrete! Griff, here to review!
Wow. Just...wow. This poem is really good. This topic is already really close to me, and the fact that you expressed it so well earned you automatic respect! I love the imagery, the metaphors, and the italics emphasize the meanings so well.
However, I agree with Industrio. Please use a different word than "thing". This poem is amazing, no need for a bland word to pull it down!
My absolute favorite parts were
I love how you put "that same night". It shows how close her denial goes with the truth.
Oh...shivers up my spine. Sometimes, when it gets to this point, the only comfort we find is in the lovely promise of death. And the end line punctuated that perfectly.
This line is beautiful. It shows the hopelessness, and the surrender of the main character.
Overall, this poem is beautiful. I certainly think it deserves to be a featured work.
Keep writing and being amazing!
~GC
Thanks for the review c:
Not a problem. My pleasure. ^-^
I love this poem, except for the ONE thing:
After all, everything else in your poem is great. "It asked for a hug, so I let it hug my neck." I love the irony. Hugs are supposed to bring comfort, yet death, especially suicide, is not something we would readily associate with comfort. Yet the speaker is so miserable that, perhaps, death IS indeed a comfort. It makes us wonder.
"In my rusty shed,
was a thing of rope.
It asked for a hug.
So I let it hug my neck.
Am I really doing this? "
A thing of rope. A THING of rope. Tsk, tsk. You can do better than that.
Good job!