No Emotion

Hey there, Clarity here to review!

Just around the corner,
is where I left my heart.
It's torn a little bit,
but keep it if you want.

This is a simple yet lovely opening stanza. But I don't think you need the comma after the first line because it flows better as an open sentence: "Just around the corner is where I left my heart."

Better hurry up,
before someone hurts it again.
Though I find no use,
it's broken beyond repair.

Since you use direct address in the first stanza, I think the first line should do the same: "You better hurry up," Also, I'm not sure that the first line needs a comma either... I'm not entirely sure on this one.

I had a heart like yours,
just the other day.
Full of hope, full of promises,
ones that will always stay in your mind.

I like this stanza, although I would arrange it a little different:

"I had a heart like yours
just the other day.
Full of hope, full of promises,
ones that will always stay in your mind."

I put some in bold because I'm sure whether it sounds right... You could try and find something shorter that has the same/more of an impact on your reader.

My heart was broken,
just like yours might of been.
Those words, they're full of effect.
They make or break a heart in just a few moments.

This is too simple for the poem... try and find another word/phrase that sort of... 'hits' us in the face.

The criminal,
I bet you know one too.
The heart breaker, the one we all dread.
Everyone will meet one, sooner usually than later.

I like the was you class the "heart breaker" as a "criminal"; it emphasises the fact that they have done something wrong. The part in bold would sound better like ", sooner or later." It's a little awkward to read at the moment.

When the crime is done,
the decision is up to you.
Do you fix your heart,
or leave it to rot away?

I like this stanza; it's one of my favourites from the whole poem.

You get the point,
my heart has gone away.
I'm left with emptiness,
a void where love once stood.

This is also one of my favourite stanzas. But, the bit in bold doesn't fit in with the restof the stanza. It is too simple for the rest of it. "has gone away" disappeared/vanished etc. would sound better. Have a look for some synonyms for "gone away."

Better hurry, better run.
My heart is around that corner.
Take it away, do what you please.
I'm used to it now, I feel no emotion.

This is a nice stanza... but your ending should be the most powerful; it should leave me feeling like I want to read more, but this didn't. Most of the poem had the same tone to it. But, it was still a decent ending.


Overall, I did enjoy the poem, it was nicely written and has a lovely story of heartbreak and ache behind it, but it does need some editing. It's mainly your vocabulary and punctuation, and there is not too much to fix. Just have a look for some synonyms for the words/phrases that seem too simple (they don't do the poem justice) and double check whether you actually need the commas before you put them in.

All in all, a lovely piece. Good luck with future writing!

-Clarity.