What To Do?

Sarai here to review!
Mmkay, I like this, especially the rhythm, but as I'm going to do with the rest of my reviews for you, I'll pick a favorite part and a least favorite. Let's do it!
Least favorite: Uh, I have nothing to put here XD
Awko Taco...
Favorite: the last line of the whole poem. Gorgeous!

~Sarai
Love ya Cheese

Hi! Deleted12 here for a quick review !I really liked this poem...

The ending was a little odd though, I thought...

(hehe I'm talkin' my writing is SUPER STRANGE!!! haha no really, it is! )

I liked where ya wrote:''...With tears mixed in the ashes'';)

That part was really cool! The title was nice, but didn't seem to really apply...anyways, nice job

on this poem! I hope to see mote soon! Happy writing! -De12

I really enjoyed this! It was an excellent length for this piece, because sometimes writers let their poetry drag on and drone on, which really ruins their work, but you ended this poem in a great spot. Awesome, awesome job!

I really like this. It's very dark and sad- that's what I got from it anyway. I love the way you only rhymed here and there instead of every other line; or every line for that matter. I think you're a great poet with great potential! Keep writing! You're good!

Happy Writing!

~Ingrid

Love it! I've written a few poems about fire as well! Fire is a beautiful thing because it can be used in so many ways: passion, anger, pain, loss. This is well written and I could feel your confusion. I find it keen that you used death as the escape from confusion, as suicide is a big topic in today's society. Simply BRILLIANT! Keep up the good work!

The best part of this poem is that there isn't a solid rhyming scheme. The brokenness of the rhythm makes the words more powerful and hits the reader straight in the gut. I also like the metaphors of fire and how every stanza is linked (e.g. You use matches, then fire and then ash.) The only thing I would look more closely at is the punctuation. I would let some lines go without any punctuation to speed up the words as the intensity of the poem increases and then throw a full stop in. This gives power and strength to your poetry when it's angry and kinda sad like this one.
Hope this helps!

In poems you have to have a constant rhyme. AA BB or ABAB it'll give your poem a better flow. If you look at other poems on here I think see what I'm talking about. Also, the last line in the first stanza thingy kind of bothers me. "I let myself burn" just completely threw off your flow. It made it sound like you didn't know where or how to put in this thought so you just kind of stuck it there.

I hope I wasn't too harsh in the review. I do like this poem, I just feel as if it can be made better ya know? Keep practicing, though, because it does look you've got a very creative mind. Good luck, love.

Dear SecreteJournalist It is Bigmacloves here for another review,

This is honestly a really well written poem. I love how it is very dramatic, yet very simple. I also enjoyed that I could picture everything that was going on, in my very crazy and cluttered head. It could still use some more metaphors, but overall it was really good. So if I had to give this piece of literature a grade I would give it a (B).

This is a very dramatic and sombre poem. Which has som nice descriptions. Something you could think about are:

Metaphores: Some would be very effective in places.
Wording:
"I didnt know,
what to do,
where to turn.
With not a clue,
on what to do, <---- this line is quite repeditive and takes a few reads to make sense.
I let myself burn. "

Structure: What is the structure of this poem? It is true that you have a constant rhyme except the lines in the stanzas are quite random.

Things that I liked:
"I stepped into the light." This has a double meaning within context. Its nice and forward too. I like it.

"Slowly dying,
with tears mixed
in the ashes."
I really liked these lines, they have nice effect.

Another tip: Try a rhyming dictionary to see if you can find some more words that rhyme with do. they might inspire your lines.